[ like ashes in water ]

[ 7 ]

[ END CHAPTER OF PART 1 ]

Next chapters will be [ PART 2 ], in Childe's POV.

-----------

I sat in the same place on my bed until it was dawn, faint light from the rising sun shining into the room. Reluctantly, I got up from my spot.

My back ache a bit from sitting up for hours, my eyebags worse than usual.

I gently knocked on the separating room door between Tartaglia and I. I was half expecting for it not to open, since it was quite early in the morning.

In spite of my assumptions, the door swung open almost seconds after I knocked.

Seeing Tartaglia, who also had dark eyebags, I felt kind of guilty.

"Let's talk." I said.

Not waiting for his response, I pushed my way through and into his room. I sat down on the single sofa, with the other Harbinger sitting on his bed.

"I'm quitting." Before, Tartaglia seemed out of it, but the moment I said that, he shot up, clearly focused on the subject.

"Why? Is it because of me? I'll stop bothering you, okay? You can't just leave." His voice was filled with panic.

"It's not because of you. It's for personal reasons." I spoke vaguely.

"Is it because of someone else?" He asked.

"So what if it is?" I was angered by his words. It provoked me in a way that I couldn't explain.

Yes, I'm accepting Ei and Yae's offer, but it isn't for me.

It's never been for me.

For once, I want to be selfish.

I want to be selfish and keep on indulging in this twisted desire.

I want to keep on going with Tartaglia, all the way.

I want to know every outline, every curve, every scar on his body.

I want to wake up each morning to him right next to me.

I want to memorize the synchronization of his breaths, the rhythms of his heartbeats.

I want his affection, just for me and no one else.

I'd gouge out his eyes so that he can't look at anyone else other than me.

Then, cut out his brain and make it so he can only think of me.

But it's impossible.

The simple thought is preposterous.

Even if we could end up together, what about the Fatui?

I can't hide my identity forever. Sooner or later, it's bound to be revealed.

The Fatui is a Snezhnayan-based organization. The Tsartista made it clear she wouldn't accept anyone from another nation, and with Snezhanaya's political conflicts with Inazuma, it would be even worse.

As someone who is not only Inazuman, but part of the Royal family, I'd be kicked out immediately.

What am I supposed to do then? I would belong nowhere.

So if I go back to Inazuma and reclaim my position, I'd be under their protection.

Even if I have to pretend to be like a dead fish. Even if I have to make it so that my existence is close to non-existent.

"Scaramouche. In my whole life, I've never gotten what I wanted. But not anymore. I'll make you love me back no matter what it takes. I don't care if it takes 1000 or more years, I'll never stop. I'd give up the whole world for you, just at your beckoning. Please, just look at my way. What's stopping you? I'll kill them for you..." Tartaglia's voice was crazed, his whole body shaking.

He gripped onto my wrists, face closer than comfort to me.

"It's me, okay? It's me that's stopping me. What will you do, kill me?" I shoved him away.

Lightly, I stunned him with electro. He would be unconscious for a couple minutes, before waking up, which is enough time for me to leave.

"Goodbye, Tartagl...Childe."

I closed the door, locking it. Then, I went through the room's door and walked downstairs.

Because it was early in the morning, there were barely any people. I made a beeline to Ekatrina, the Northland Bank receptionist and part of the Fatui.

"I need a teleportation device." I said.

"It might take some time to obtain one, Sir Balladeer, but I'll try my best to obtain one as quickly as I can." She responded.

I nodded, and patiently waited on the sidelines. Ekatrina whispered to another associate, both leaving to the storage of the bank. In less than 5 minutes, they reemerged.

"Here's the device. This is an old model, the quickest one we could find. If you would like a newer version, it'll take about half an hour." She explained while holding out the device.

The old and new model had barely any difference, except the old model would take longer to load your teleportation.

"This will do." Ekatrina politely bowed, and I left the Northland Bank.

As fastest as I could, I went through the small passageways and to a small, inconspicuous area.

Inhaling deeply, I prepared myself for an uncomfortable trip.

Yet, just as I was about to begin the process, someone's footsteps emerged from the passage.

"Scaramouche, what are you doing?" Childe took one glance at the item held in my hands, his face turning dark.

"Scaramouche. Please. Please, I'm begging you, don't leave. Stay, even for one more day." He begged.

I exhaled.

I turned my head away from his direction, so that I couldn't see his face.

Before I could regret anything, I pressed the device. The space around me started slowly morphing, the air in my lungs being knocked out in the process.

Although I tried to not face Tartaglia, at the last moment, I caught a glimpse of his expression.

He didn't seem angry, but sad. Desperate.

Seeing Childe in pain made something within me ache.

In my chest, something throbbed with pain.

In slow motion, the ginger stretched out his hand.

I wanted to twist my whole body and reach for him, tell him I didn't mean it.

To tell him I was just joking with him, acting like I was going to leave when I really wasn't.

It would've been a cruel joke,

In this cruel world.

It seemed like Fate despised us, and held us separate.

If only, I would destroy Fate and make a world.

A world that was created just for us, and nobody else.

Our own story.