The risk of Love

Loner

  "Look! Over there, Cassidy. There's a cute guy, he must be sweet. Don't ya' think?" Emerson said, nearly beginning to jump up and down.

  "Oh, stop," I said, blushing, "it's nothing. You know I really don't fall in love like that. Am I right?"

  Emerson nodded, depressingly. Oh how she wished I would finally find the love of my life. Oh how she longed to talk guy drama with me, her best friend. I don't think that's ever going to happen. No matter how happy that would make her. Oh well. I guess I'll just stay a loner, the way I like it.

  My cup of tea.. is well.. nothing.? I never found love in myself. I would just consider my self, "lonely and wonderful." Or amazing, or any good word you could use to describe me, along with lonely, of course. Hey, my name is Cassidy anyways. It means clever. And I'm VERY clever for not being guy obsessed, you know? And if I ever had love, It would be innocent.

The next day

Emerson and her boyfriend were holding hands as we strolled along the gravel sidewalk that belonged to the school's property. Along the way, I sighted students studying, chatting, drama-ing, all o' that. Never was I jealous that I wasn't popular. I mean, I'd rather not be surrounded with girls and even guys. It feels TONS better to be in the shadows. At least I'm not a loser who can't get a friend, even if their life depended on it. I'm just, you know.. there? I'm just there, and there indeed. I can totally get noticed if I wanted too. Yet, I just choose for live to stay plain and simple. I stay close with my friends. I only tell secrets too the ones I really love and trust.

"Cassidy, you seem down today?" Emerson noticed.

I know myself. Im usually an energetic kid, teen, whatever you wanna call it. Im usually hyped up on sugar, (it's never really sugar, I'm just annoyingly energetic.) and I'm jumping all over the place. I guess that's what my friends like about me. So, when I'm down, you can tell. It's a big shift from how I usually would act. It's also kind of depressing.

My pace grew faster as I spoke, "I'm fine, I'm overthinking a little bit."

Emerson slowed down, she looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "Woah there. When do you ever overthink?"

Never. There was usually nothing in my life to worry about. It was almost like.. Barbie. Everything went smoothly, according to plan. Who knows why? Was it because I was very organized, well set? Guess we'll never know. I never complained. And I did have my bad days, of course, but they were never like this. I was overthinking, maybe just a little bit of overreacting. What was it about? Love. The one and only romance. The stuff that disgusts me.

"Romance," I mumbled to myself, turning my head away from my friend. I couldn't stand the thought of me in a relationship. Even a healthy couple, like Emerson and and her boyfriend, Coren. And it was even sweet to watch them love each other. Yet, I had no interest in finding myself a man, I felt independent! If you knew me for long enough, you should now that I stand by that decision. But today, just this one day.. it's really got me questioning. What would it feel like to be in a romantic, healthy relationship? It's been months, years even.. since I thought about that. Oh gosh, I'm really losing myself, aren't I?

"Romance.." I said again, nearly the quietest whisper I've ever attempted.

"This isn't the Cassidy I know. Come here," Emerson led her boyfriend and I to one of the lunch tables. We sat down and I rested my elbows on the wood. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Emerson looked like she was going to burst, maybe from shock or excitement, or both. "Here, take these," she said handing me some headphones, "I've got a song just for you."