𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 | ᴏ. ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ

guilt.

Was it my fault? Everything's my fault.

Y/n's thoughts were scattered in little pieces. If only she didn't agree to go on a date that night, the kids would've never died. Oda would've never died. A week has passed since then, and she has been contemplating her actions time and time again.

It was all her fault. She agreed to the date.

She agreed to the date.

She agreed to the date.

She agreed to the date.

She agreed to the-

A knock on the door snapped her out of her own thoughts for a second. It was Chuuya. Her dull eyes met with his, the silence making the atmosphere tense and awkward.

"I heard what happened... Are you alright?" He finally spoke, getting to the point. She didn't know how to answer. "I'm fine."

She definitely didn't look fine at all. Her hair was a mess and had dark eyebags under her eyes. "I'm not the one you should check up on. You should talk to Dazai."

"Just did." He walked a few steps forward to give Y/n a hug.

She couldn't feel anything but guilt at this point. It was eating her alive. "It was my fault. If only we didn't go on that date..." She clutched onto Chuuya's shirt.

"... Date?" He asked, suddenly feeling a rise of concern due to being uninformed. "And it's not your fault. You didn't know it would happen."

"... Still. I could've prevented it. If only I didn't call Dazai to come and help..."

What was worse though, was how empty she felt inside. No ounce of sorrow for Oda, instead just guilt. How she hated this feeling. Did she truly even care about him? The kids? Oh God, the kids... She even thought about killing them at one point.

She really didn't deserve anything.

Tears started to form in her eyes, but she was unsure if it was because of Odasaku or herself. She hated herself for that.

Chuuya didn't know how to help her. He stayed still, embracing her body until she finally calmed down again. "I'm here for you, okay? I know I don't like saying it... But you two idiots are the ones I care and worry about the most. Don't tell Dazai that."

Y/n laughed, even though she didn't want to. How could she be laughing at a time like this? God she was so selfish and stupid and pathetic...

Chuuya left soon after, leaving her alone with her thoughts again. She hated that too.

Now where was Dazai? He had it worse than her, after all. He knew Odasaku for years while Y/n just met him a few months ago. He must be hurting inside badly. She needed to find him.

But the thing is, he's disappeared from Y/n.

Every message and call she sends to him gets ignored, and she can never seem to find him anywhere. He still talks to Chuuya, but never Y/n. And she hated that too.

It was my fault. He knows Oda died because of me.

He was definitely blaming her for what happened, and she understands why.

They really need to talk. She grabs her phone, calling him one last time, not expecting it to be different from the past few attempts.

But he answers this time.

"... Dazai...?" Her breath hitched, surprised when he picked up. "... Dazai is that you?"

There was a short pause. "Of course it was me! Who else hahaha," he laughed.

"Dazai... I'm so sorry..." she hiccupped. Dazai faltered a bit, hearing her sniffling. "It was all my fault... If only I didn't ask you on that date..."

"Y/n..." He shook his head. "Stop blaming yourself. I was the one who offered the date. Not you."

"I need to meet up with you right now..." He then continued, waiting for her to answer.

"... Where?"

"... Lupin bar. I'll send you the address."

Strange. She's never heard of that bar before. Nonetheless, she headed straight to the address.

—

The bar was empty, except for Dazai and the bartender occupying the silence and space. Y/n made her way into the bar quietly.

She sat down beside him, her heart beating rapidly. Would he lash out on her? Would he hurt her? No, he said it wasn't her fault... then why did he want to meet with her?

She peered at him from the side, only to see a focused and serious expression painted on his face. His eyes were almost crazed-like.

"Y/n... I wanted to call you here because I thought of something just now." He spoke.

The air was chilly.

Facing her now, he continued. "I want to see Oda again. There are some things I haven't yet said... that I need him to hear." His face fell to a solemn expression.

"Me too. If I knew that he'd- that this would happen.... I would've been nicer to those kids, I would've spent more time with Oda, I would've-" Y/n stopped.

"Y/n I need you to do something for me. For us." His eyes bore into hers intensely. "Please let me try it."

Her brows furrowed, perplexed by his words. "What do you want me to do..?"

"Use your ability on me. Find a universe where Odasaku's still alive." Her eyes widened.

"What..." She didn't know what to say. "That... that wouldn't be healthy... that wouldn't be our Oda..." What a hypocrite she was, using her ability to date Dazai before.

"Still... I want to try. I need closure... Please..."

Y/n was still reluctant about this. Dazai clearly wasn't in the right mind for this... yet at the same time neither would refusing his proposal put him at ease. He's never been this vulnerable to anyone before. Maybe it would be better to just try.

"Just once." She sighed. She wanted to see Oda again too, so it wouldn't hurt to try once right?

Dazai's dimmed, dark eyes brightened up instantly after hearing that. Eyes that were usually pitch black, now glossy with a speck of light in them, made him look like a tiny child again.

"Thank you Y/n, no really..." he smiled hopefully. Y/n scooted closer to him, entwining their hands together.

"... Ability: Another Fantasy." She closed her eyes, her mind searching for any universe, any at all that contained Sakunosuke Oda being alive. She had the universe she was imagining in place, and focused all the energy into transporting Dazai there.

Yet, nothing happened.

When she opened her eyes again, Dazai was still in front of her, his eyes filled with disappointment.

"Ah." They murmured at the same time.

They had both realized and forgotten that Dazai's nullification would've never made this work. His ability truly was a curse.