Mathuraraaj

২

To Radha, it felt like it was just tomorrow when Krishna had left her. The world would say that hundreds of days had passed, but her life was still waiting at the cliff of that moment, when she had, for the last time, seen Krishna.

She prayed to Shiva that he would forget her. That he would get someone better than her. Someone prettier, kinder, from a wealthy clan whose name and fame rivaled his own heritage. He was, after all, a king now. And an insignificant woman like her had no place in the life of a glorious man. She was happy that life gave her the chance to love him and gain his love, but now, she hoped to never see him again. It would pain her. It would pain him. And she didn't want to hurt her beloved man.

"Are... are you Radha?"

She was quietly churning milk, recalling his love for butter, when a tall and muscular man came and asked for her. He was dressed in gold and silk, like a lord of some kingdom. "I-I am Radha. Pardon me, but I do not recognise you."

The man joined his hands in a prayer and closed his eyes. Tears like dew drops rolled down his cheeks. He shivered like an autumn leaf, his lips quivering as if he was so cold. "Radha... my child." He patted her head, looking into her warm brown eyes and finding warmth there. "Are you happy, my daughter? I see that your face is so gloomy, as if you are lost in thoughts of separation. Ah, I know how much separation pains. I have, myself, suffered through immense sadness." He stared at the lotus-shaped pendant on her neck. "Finally, I found you."

Mother Kirtida came out from within the house. She was shocked upon seeing such an illustrious looking man in front of her house. "Who is our guest?"

The man joined his hands in a namaskara and greeted her. "Pranaam, my lady. I-I am Bhishmaka, the Lord of Vidarbha."

Kirtida gasped. She looked at her daughter, whose face was laden with questions. She smiled at Radha. "My child, go inside and bring some food for our guest. I shall bring him in soon."

Radha, at once, followed her mother's order and went inside.

Bhishmaka, with teary eyes, said, "I have come a long way. Fo-for years I didn't know where she was. I used to pray to Shree Vishnu that he kept my lovely daughter safe and joyous."

"Are you really her father?"

Bhishmaka took out another lotus-shaped pendant from his neck. "I had gifted her the same after she was born. Alas, Putuna snatched away my daughter upon birth!" He clutched his hair. "I-I was worried. I thought she would be dead. But then, the pendant never stopped glowing. Yes, this is a magical one, and it always shone as bright as the stars, indicating that somewhere, my little love was alive!"

Kirtida heaved a sigh. "We had found her floating on a lotus. Childless and in search of love, me and my husband Vrishabhanu took the child. She was a blessing of Maa Lakshmi, and we swear we kept her healthy all this time. We have loved her equal to her true parents–"

"No, my lady! No need to explain to me. I know you have loved her as your own. Indeed, you are a great mother. I see it in your motherly eyes and the pain that flickers in your gaze. Yes... yes I know I am being cruel, bu-but can I get her back?"

Kirtida's throat became dry. Her heart was seized by the unexpectedly severe turn of events.

"Come visit us whenever you want. I shall allow her to come and stay here. But have mercy on me, a father who despite knowing his daughter lived could not behold her for years. I come here not as a king but a beggar, requesting for you to hand over my daughter. You are a mother, Maa Kirtida, you would know my pain the most."

Kirtida sniffled. "Please wait for my husband to return. We need to speak to Radha for one last time." Her voice was cracked and hoarse. "I-I am sure she will be well cared for in your palace."

"I will never let her feel out of love. I will fulfill all her wishes."

Kirtida ushered him in the house. Hiding behind the door, Radha had eavesdropped on the entire conversation. She fled the scene before her mother could see her.

Vidarbha... She was going to Vidarbha. She was to be a princess.

Just like Krishna, her life drastically changed in one day.

****

Away from the herd and trees of Gokul, now Radha lived as a princess in the palace of Vidarbha. She was Vidarbhi, the long lost daughter of Bhishmaka who returned.

Now, she couldn't churn milk. She could not go and meet her sakhis whenever she wanted. Yes, Maa Kirtida often came to meet her, but Radha knew her life had morphed into something so different that even the people with whom she had spent her entire childhood, they teared up upon seeing her, as if she was so far away from them. Indeed, she was truly Radha Rani, a soon-to-be queen.

And often, she wondered if half-burnt dreams would rise up from the ashes and colour her midnight wishes, resurrecting weak hopes of a reunion. Of meeting him, again.

"Perhaps in an alternate universe, we are still together."

To ease her soul in the present life, she had created a pratima of Krishna with her own hands, beautifying it with love and devotion. Everyday she would sing to him songs, give him kheer to eat and kiss him before sleeping. Even if he was a king very distant, the thread of fate wasn't cut.

"Hearts once promised can't be taken away," she whispered.

"You are soon to be promised to someone, my princess."

Radha shuddered at that voice. There, standing in front of her was Rukmi, her older brother– a sibling she had never met and possibly would be happy if she never saw again.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

He knelt beside her. "You are going to be married to my friend Shishupala. He is a man of might and magnificence. You will live as a queen, former gopi." He scoffed.

Radha's head spun. Darkness came down like diabolical monsoon ready to deluge the harvest and spoil lives. Her breaths hitched in her throat. "Get married?"

"Well, you are a princess now. So expect a lot of pampering." Rukmi chuckled, but it was as icy as death. He stared at the idol of Krishna. "Mathuraraaj, eh?"

Radha pulled the idol to her chest and protected it. "Do not touch it."

He smirked. "I won't, my princess. Just an advice– you are not Radha anymore. Your existence has been removed. Radha is dead." A guttural noise escaped from his mouth. "You are now Rukmini. And for the good of your kingdom and your brother, you will be married off to my allies. That's what you are here for. If you are waiting for Krishna, know that he is long dead too. He is now Mathuraraaj, a king. Huh! A worthless one at that too. How can a boy who played with the cattle on grasslands run an entire nation? He will have an ugly fall." Rukmi twisted his lips and left his sister alone.

Radha thought over his words and looked at Krishna.

"Years back, I had prayed to Shiva and Shakti, asked them to make you forget me, Kanha." Radha traced his eyes, his lips, smiling through her tears. "Have you really forgotten me, Nandalaal?"

She clamped her mouth and let the tears choke her. She wanted to cry, but the four walls felt too suffocating for letting her emotions out. She drank back the sorrow and let the bitterness flood her mind. But, never did she allow the feather of mourning to tickle her heart. In her heart resided Krishna, and she had to be ever joyous and gala to keep him there.

If that meant hoping in vain, she would do it. She would take the chance.

"I break all my prayers, Krishna. I will challenge destiny. I will see if you still remember me."

I was your Radha. And I will dare to be your Rukmini.