Personal Thoughts of a Stranger

The Gramophone

I saw her, for the very first time
In the school yard
She was wearing braids,
In her pink uniform
She stood like a little fairy
I watched her, from far away
I saw into her eyes, they were brown
Like the autumn season
She laughed a lot,
She cried sometimes
A hundred emotions and thoughts
Went through her mind in a second
I never felt that, the excitement
Or sadness, or anything at all...

We grew up,
We met at birthdays or dances
She always wore the same white dress.
I thought she looked like an angel
But she didn't feel that way.
I always tried to make her laugh
In the little ways I can,
I think I caught her looking at me a couple of times
But our worlds were too different
For her to be, anything more than a fantasy.

She moved away after a while,
She went to NYC
While I stayed in the farm,
I grew animals while she sang
And danced in bars...

Years passed,
I had two boys with a loving wife
I did everything I was meant to
And didn't expect anything more out of life...
But then she came back
I saw her at the bus stand,
And I stared at her,
Oblivious to the world around.

I thought she looked like a fairy.

I was happy with my prosaic life,
She was a superstar, her world
Made up of fame and crowds
Yet when I looked at her, in her white dress and her braids, I could feel myself falling for her
The way I did decades back.

She touched my face, she stared into my eyes,
I ran towards her again.
My little family shattered
Into a thousand sad memories,
But how I could justify what I did
Except that heart doesn't listen,
It doesn't give up.

Years went by,
We danced together, we sang in the nights
She toured the world and I stood by her
We went to the islands,
We stayed at the beaches
We looked at the snow covered mountains
And the Grand Canyon heights.
We enjoyed the quiet of the night
And celebrated with a glass of whiskey
Every time her album broke another record.

I thought about my boys everyday,
And my wife, who didn't deserve me
I knew my mistakes, my guilt kept me up late
No amount of love could justify what I did
Yet I knew if I could go back,
I wouldn't change a thing.

One day, I came home
And saw her body,
Lying on the floor
As the gramophone
Played 80's melodies into the night.
I sat down next to her
For the very last time,
As my silent sobs
Disappeared into the starless night.

Like the forgotten melodies.

Her family didn't come to the funeral,
So I wrapped her in an angelic white dress
And adorned her with a crown of autumn leaves,
To go with her eyes.
I went to her grave everyday and had a glass of whiskey with her,
Until I couldn't take the silence anymore.

Then I went back to my village,
I went back to my boys
My wife was married,
To a man she deserved.
I knew I had to go away again,
To find who I was
For the very first time.
My wife, before bidding me a final goodbye, asked me,
Why I left my life behind for a fantasy.
"When she told me
Her days were numbered
I knew I had to be selfish for the very first time
Or else I would regret it my whole life."
"Was it worth it?"
I looked at my boys all grown up,
Who barely knew my name,
Another man was fixing up cars in my garage
And I didn't have a penny to my name
Or a house to go back to.
I said, "it was."

Years later, in the quiet of the night,
I still think about the mountains and the beaches,
The gramophone,
And the glasses of whiskey.