୨⎯ 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂⎯୧ᵗᵃᵉᵇⁱⁿ

| 𝗮 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿

'I'm a bit too lucky that he didn't hear that' My brain usually lies to itself when its in a state of insanity, it's a bit too obvious that Kang heard well what managed to slip out. Fuck it, maybe it is time to speak out, rid all of this inevitable stress and...overwhelming tension. Every presence, every look, every say it's all tightening, and if either him or I that will break it. There's something else hiding in this field of blockage, something that just wants Taehyun, something that just wants to hold him. It swarms my thoughts, often switching up to the latter, dismissing everything prioritised. I'm just looking for friendship but clearly that sneaky entity up there wants more. You can't get everything you know?

"Kang, let's talk."

He looks at me with a bewildered expression yet so aware.

"Okay."

"What's up Soobin?"

"I'm sorry for using you like that, I should've built up our friendship first and not forced you to put down your guard. I'll treat you better than I did before."

"I'll give it all just to hold you close."

"What was that?"

"I said, it's okay and I'm sorry too."

It was too awkward, although I apologised for my wrong doings, the tension was still so thick, something feels so wrong and unresolved. Before I could return to working on the project, Taehyun says something not even that desperate entity obsessed with Kang could believe. Only 2 words, shook up my entire control, they were so strong it pulled me in like a magnet.

"Let's kiss."

"What are you saying, Kang.." I felt somewhat belittled, it never added up. I apologized, and I left it at that. Did he have that entity as well? Did it take full control of him? He steps closer little by little, then replies, "You apologized for breaking my heart, but it seems this wall between us only cracked. Maybe a kiss could break it?" He smiles weirdly, as if he isn't upset by how I'd used him. He just put it behind just like that, it's terrifying. "I want to be friends, nothing more." I put out, shrinking the entity which now screamed to get closer to Taehyun but it had little to no power to even think. "I don't, I'd give it all just to hold you close. Even if you hate me afterwards, atleast I can cling onto this little gesture." His words hurt, I can't bear to hate him again, I'm not for hating people. My head tilts with a sympathetic expression, tears beginning to squirm their way up. I'll give him this 'gesture' just once. (The biggest lie I've ever said 👀)

My hands slither to his shoulders, as I feel his crawl up to my waist, grip tight. I can feel trembles shake my insides, he's nervous and I'm nervous. He doesn't do anything, Kang leaves me to do all the work and we haven't even joined our lips. "Taehyun.. I can't." My eyes no longer fixate on him, hands losing grip on his shoulders. They slip and slip and slip until they let go completely. I can't bear to look at him again, after breaking him for the second time. His respectful self, also lets go but says something that will never leave me.

"When you are ready, I won't let you go and I won't stop myself. You promised me, Soobin."

It's been a few days, since our attempt, and Taehyun hasn't come to our shared dorm when I'm not there, it's when I'm there, he's there.

"Are you trying to torture me for giving up?"

"No. I would never do that to you Soobin."

"Then, why."

"This house is not a home without you."

"Seriously, Taehyun."

"Cheer up Soobin, we're friends!"

"How can I, when I know you're pretending."

"Hm?"

"I know you are upset with me letting go."

"Soobin, when the time comes the time comes and I'm fine with waiting."

"Thanks.."