I love you... Desperately || Hwanyoungz oneshot

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Doyoung couldn't tell if Junghwan knew or not.
He was too obvious with his feelings and that was the latest remark from Jihoon.
"You like Junghwan don't you? " That was the first thing he said when they finished their practice and he didn't know what Jihoon tried to implement with his question. Was he mad about it? About the fact that he had feelings for his youngest friend and team member on top of that? Or did he find it cute? Did he pity himhim for how hopeless his situation was.
Did Jihoon know how desperate Doyoung was for Junghwan'e attention?
Was it obvious in the way he flirted with Junghwan and how he over did it?
Doyoung couldn't tell anything...
Sometimes Doyoung just wanted to tell him to end his misery, to put down that mask of brotherhood love and show the real type of love he held for Junghwan.
But then what?
Would Junghwan accept his feelings? Would he even accept that he liked men not women?
Junghwan was still young, he had a lot to learn outside of the society that programmed brains on how love should be and how couples should look like.
Sometimes, in Doyoung's head, Junghwan showed signs of rejection and it hurt him though he knew that the other probably didn't mean it that way but still Doyoung couldn't help the pain that tore his heart when Junghwan removed his hand from his embrace or showed a disgusted face when he threw a cliché pick up line.
but doyoug couldn't help it either... Junghwan was too... Cool.
Too amazing?
Too beautiful for the heart and mind to process...
And Doyoung fell for that.
He was staring at Junghwan's back who was sleeping next to him when his hand startee moving in its own to rest lightly on his shoulder then his finger traced his spine line... A pained smile tugged on his lips.
No...
Doyoung loved him...
He loved him desperately...
And deeply...
With a courageous move he carefully reached for his hand that was resting on his hip and intertwined their fingers.
Tears gathered in his eyes...
It fit perfectly...
It would've felt more perfect if Junghwan...
If he just...
Even for a little bit...
Liked him back.
He quickly removed his hand when the younger shifted his position.
Then his heart took a leap when Junghwan grabbed his hand back then he slowly turned around to face Doyoung in the darkness broken with the dim light coming from the street lights outside.

"Hyung... " He said with a low voice.

Oh that word.
Everytime Junghwan said it, it felt like acid pouring on his heart.
Doyoung didn't reply, he couldn't.
One minute ago he was about to cry at how pathetic his romantic situation was and as a result his throat felt too sore to even breathe let so speak.

"Hyung... " He said again "Do you love me? "
Doyoung then let out a trembling sigh. He didn't want to stay there any longer. He wanted to leave the room, the world at that moment.
And if it was a nightmare, Doyoung prayed he wakes up.
He tried to pull his hand yet Junghwan's grasp was stronger.

"Go back to sleep, Junghwan" He managed to say, surprised by how steady his voice was.

"Hyung please"

Doyoung then couldn't hold it any longer. Tears started flowing non-stop and his crying noises started to fill the room.

"I'm sorry" That's all he managed to tell Junghwan afterwards " I didn't mean to... I know it's wrong in so many ways but I couldn't help it Junghwan"

Junghwan knew...
Who was he fooling other than himself? Everyone knew!

The room then went into deep silence.
Doyoung's heart throbbed when he felt Junghwan take his hand back leaving Doyoung's to meet with emptiness.
He wanted to leave but his body felt weak.
He had acted strong all of the time, he didn't allow himself to be weak even when he was alone but at that moment everything felt broken even his legs.

"Doyoung"
Sometimes Junghwan dropped the honorifics and it was the times that made Doyoung's heart race with no control.
He gasped lightly when he felt Junghwan's hand cup his cheeks and wipe his tears away.

" I don't think it's wrong in any way "He said " I don't think it's wrong at all. It was confusing to me for a while too. All the feelings that I had when you're around. The reason why I think of you every single minute, the way I feel jealous if you're close to anyone" He stopped talking as if he had to collect more words. "The reason why I wanted to kiss you so many times"

Junghwan normally didn't talk that much and Doyoung wasn't normally that mesmerized.

"The reason why I want to kiss you now" Junghwan said " It was all confusing and Doyoung you keep giving me those signs that I just couldn't push the thought that you... Maybe... Loved me too"
Doyoung heard it right...
He couldn't believe that he heard it right...

"You... Love me? " Doyoung asked after his took in a deep breath trying to process what he had just heard
"I do" Junghwan said immediately placing a short kiss on his forehead.
Doyoung melted..
"You... Love me? " Doyoung asked after his took in a deep breath trying to process what he had just heard
"I do" Junghwan said immediately placing a short kiss on his forehead.
Doyoung melted..
He didn't wait a second more and pressed his lips on top of Junghwan and he held it there.
Junghwan didn't push him a way.
Instead, after a short while, he started moving his lips and Doyoung could only reciprocate.
His lips felt tender and the kiss was sweet, even though it was a little bit clumsy view their position.
Without breaking the kiss, junghwan climbed on top of him and caged him with his arms.
Despite his strong build up, Junghwan was the gentlest. And Doyoung wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that he never kissed anyone before but he couldn't care less.
It was beautiful
It felt perfect.
More perfect that just holding his hand.
Too perfect to end after a single minute...
So he held his face and kept on kissing him longer and Junghwan didn't seem to object or hate the idea as he smiled between the kisses.
Doyoung then broke the kiss to catch some air. He smiled lightly.
He was satisfied and the wounds were healed.
All it took was a kiss.

"You're not bad"
" You don't even have a standard to compare to" Junghwan replied.
The older giggled and pecked his lips before the other went back to laying next to him.
"Said who? "
"I just know" Junghwan said with a certainty that shook Doyoung a little bit " You love too much to do it with another person"
Doyoung then smiled. He reached for junghwan's hand and intertwined their fingers...
Junghwan did it back.
He closed his eyes.
He to stay there forever.
And if it was a dream...
He prayed he never wakes up.

" I believe I do"

__end

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this is the first time i write for a ship that's not jikyu. I hope it went well ❤️

leave comments if you like <33 

see you