Navy

chapter 3:My people

The world was a cruel place wasn't and ever since Kyron's death i deeply thought of how i would END IT, the pain suffering, how i wanted to forever leave this horrible place and truly tell him i loved him, i really did.

But the moment i fell and felt the world fade around me i felt as if something was definitly holding me back, my family i thought to myself hey need me , they loved me and if losing Kyron caused me such pain what about my loss what would happen to them.....

Nylah never showed emotion but i knew she missed having a mom and i was the closest thing to that she needed me most they loved me and losing some one you love changes you..

Emotionally i was not doing well but that did not mean every one around me should feel sad a guilty, i owed my family that much, they needed happiness i was not worth the worry i was just Navy.....

Noises...that's all i could hear from a distance , the noises got clearer by each second

''she is going to be fine Nylah, Navy is just like your mother, born fighter and a survivalist''

There it was father rarely talked about her, she was his, his first love his first real relationship , he loved her, sometimes i would find him in his room talking to a picture of her a mere picture it was but it meant a lot to him.

His Elizabeth, he had a tattoo of her right on his chest were she will forever remain.

Am sorry, am so sorry i had to wake up and tell him, tell him that i knew that momma took his heart with her, that he was only fighting to continue the family he built with her we were the only thing holding father back, he wanted and deeply needed to be with his Elizabeth.

The same way i wanted to be with Kyron but fathers love run deeper than just want he needed to stay here to protect all that they had built together so that her death was not in vane but happened to better all of us emotionally and physically.

I blinked in a haze there they were the three of them angry, sad ,frustrated ,scared...

''Why is every one so sad is some body dead?'' of course it was a joke but father hated those types of jokes those types of sad and gloomy jokes but he chuckled , he did not want to but he did just to lighten the mood.

Father soon glared at both of them slightly telling them he needed to have a talk with me.

''Am sorry princess'' he said it as if i was back to being eight falling off my bike and hurting my knee but this time it had deeper meaning.

''Am sorry you lost that boy of yours'' oh yes that boy of mine as father called him i dont think he cared enough to learn his name.

''It must hurt princess, but your brave and i know you can, do it for him'' that was what he did since mothers passing he did every thing for her, taking care of us , even breathing .

'' I wish i had told you this before'' he said catching me off guard , he meant the whole mafia thing.

'' There was never a right time, i swore to protect you from this type of life'' he said avoiding eye contact '' And i wish i could but i can not your mother knew it, she knew before she got married to me as Amy did when marrying Nolan'' of course Nolan knew about all this isn't how it works it means his heir or something like that.

'' I may not be the best human being but i try to be the best father and i would never give you to someone who would hurt you'' of course he would not father loved us .

''You may not know this but your a princess not just by name and not just by mafia but you are one, and you will always be mine and your mothers'' he finished as he stood and walked out my room leaving me alone to thoughts.

I hated it when people did that , i could not be trusted alone with them ,the voices in my head i just could not.....

There is this pain no one ever speaks of but its not physical , i wish it was but its not but the older i get the sharper the pain is the more it hurts...

Sometimes i may tend to feel like am a burden , a pain , a little thorn in some ones path...

or my skin tends to weigh me down or i dont look like the others enough, my hips are not wide enough , my thighs too large , sometimes i wish i could just escape it all..

i stood from the bed going through my drawer

WERE WAS IT

WERE WAS IT

and there it was underneath my saniteries, i soon took it out and went to the bathroom and locked myself in.

'one day ill be perfect' and the pain was sharp i could feel the blood drip from my thigh and here it was my darkest self a place were i could not be perfect and still fit.

and there i was staring at my scars there were about 16 on each leg on my very upper thigh were no one could see.

it was never about attention it helped me feel as if i was exiting my skin like i was letting everything out like the physical pain destructed me from the emotional.it was better than drugs it made me feel euphoric it made me feel invincible just for a little while...

this was not just about my emotions if i was truely the princess everyone claimed, i would need to stop being so selfish i needed to think of the people that needed me.

maybe that's what was holding me back 'MY PEOPLE ' .....

i stood and wiped the blood off and dressed apropriatly and went straight to the meeting room...

'ILL DO IT, I WILL MARRY HIM''