Fever Dream

Promotion vs Hallucination

I knew I was never going to love another the way I loved Linkoln Foster. But when I met Daniel a year ago while traveling for work, I found myself wanting to give him a chance. He reminded me of Linkoln, as far as the physique went. But the personalities were different. Linkoln was an extrovert and loved making friends anywhere we went. Daniel was more introverted like I am. I suppose it was things like that, that made Daniel more comfortable to be with. Date nights were cozy and intimate and rarely involved being in crowds. Maybe that should have been a red flag, but I suppose loneliness can cloud one's judgment.I have been in an official relationship with Daniel for about six months now. I still haven't introduced him to Arlo. I don't know if I will anytime soon. Losing Linkoln nearly killed me. I've been afraid to get too attached to anyone ever again. Daniel makes me happy and where that should be a good thing, it frightens me. He never officially asked me out, we just hung out and decided we were in a relationship.Tonight, Daniel wants to take me to dinner to celebrate some promotion he has. I send Arlo to my parents and Daniel picks me up. I sit across the table from him at the Brazilian BBQ place he took me to, he smiles at me. "Are you feeling alright?" he asks."I'm fine, I saw my therapist yesterday. Are you going to tell me about this big promotion?"Daniel chuckles and takes a sip of his mango lemonade. "You saw your therapist? How did that go?" He stiffens and blows out a quiet burp. "Pardon... so my promotion isn't really huge, but it could lead to something great. I'm going to be manager of the warehouse."Daniel works for a coffee company. My company that I'm an accountant for orders their coffee and it's how we met on a work trip. Managing the warehouse is going to be a big deal for him and I light up with excitement. "I'm so proud of you babe! That's amazing!""If I do well with this job, I'll be on the ladder to CEO." Daniel boasts."Well then you best work hard." I wink and plunge my fork into my beef. "My meeting went well.""Did you figure out what you needed to?""Yes and no..."Daniel nods and cuts into his beef, taking a large bite. "Didn't I hear you say this was the first time you'd seen her in years?"I nod as I wash my bite of beef down with my mango lemonade. I close my eyes, allowing the tropical flavor to tingle my tastebuds. I wanted to enjoy this dinner, but I had some news so to speak of my own to tell Daniel. How does one tell their boyfriend that they're actually starting to fall for that they're seeing their dead husband? It doesn't exactly match the energy of getting a promotion at work. I close my eyes and think of the night before. When I saw Linkoln outside my bedroom window.I heard what sounded like a pebble hit my window. He stood in the yard, gazing up at me. It felt like seeing a ghost. Perhaps I did as he was gone when I went to investigate. I had only just started accepting Linkoln's death prior to meeting Daniel, who made it easier to accept. He knew of my tragedy and how difficult it was for me. But now that I've been seeing Daniel for a while, we never discussed where things were going, and I'm not sure if what I have to say is appropriate. But Dr. Grant encouraged me to tell him, so I'm drinking this delicious lemonade and dining on the juicy beef.Daniel notices my hesitation and reaches across the table, placing his hand over mine. His hazel eyes are mesmerizing and calming, and it lets me know that I can trust what he has to say next."You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"I squeeze his hand and nod, "Yes I do.""Ava, what's going on? I feel like you're a million miles away."His thumb strokes the back of my hand affectionately and the gesture, though simple, eases my anxiety. "I've been seeing Linkoln." Daniel flashes a confused expression at me, and I realize how my statement sounds. "No! Not like that. Just...he's appearing out of nowhere."Daniel is still confused but keeps his hand over mine all the same. "What do you mean he appears out of nowhere?"I squeeze his hand again as my anxiety clasps its vicious hand around my throat and I swallow, as though it will relieve the pressure. I have a bad feeling about having this conversation with Daniel, but I can only chalk it up to fear. After all, what can he do? This wasn't something I asked for. What grieving widow wants this? I take another sip of my lemonade and take a deep breath as I explain myself."Sometimes I'll be picking up or dropping Arlo off at school and in the hustle and bustle of the crowd, I've spotted Linkoln among the other parents. Other times I'll see him walking on the street. I've tried to follow him each time, but he disappears on me."Daniel raises a brow as though he's about to undermine me, "Sort of like...an illusion?""It could be. I don't know. But Dr. Grant says it could be my brains way of facing my trauma.""What do you think it is?""I don't know. He looks so real.""That's the point of hallucinations Ava."I pull my hand back and fold my arms with a scoff, "I know what hallucinations are. I haven't done anything to trigger such a thing.""Did Dr. Grant give you medication?""Medication isn't why I'm seeing Linkoln.""What am I supposed to do with this information? How am I supposed to feel that you're seeing your dead husband?""What's the problem that I am? You're being an insensitive ass right now, Daniel.""I'm getting a promotion and you're seeing your dead husband. Where am I supposed to be sensitive?""My therapist wanted me to tell you so that you could help me through this. Not chastise me for it.""Well, you can tell that dumb bitch a lot of good it's done."I shake my head in pure disbelief. I now see that my anxiety was warning me. "Sorry I opened up to you at all." I say as I stand up, grab my jacket, and call my mom to come pick me up. I don't talk to Daniel for an entire week. Neither one of us reached out to the other. I didn't see Linkoln and wonder if maybe Dr. Grant was right. I give her a call and set up another appointment.I'm directed to walk back to her room when I come in for my appointment. I found it odd as she came to call me back, but I wasn't about to argue. I go to her room and the door is open ajar and who should be sitting in there across from her is Daniel."What the fuck are you doing here?" I ask.