Fever Dream

A Single Moment

"It's okay Ava, he called and wanted to be a part of the session today." Dr. Grant assures me with a smile on her face."You're not a couple's counselor, and I really don't want to see him. Shouldn't you have consulted with me first?" I argue.Daniel stands up and grabs my hand and Dr. Foster stands up. "I know this is unprofessional Ms. Foster, but I beg you to hear us out. We just want to help you." She says in a soothing tone."Help me with what?!" I ask as I squirm out of Daniel's grip."Baby, I acted horribly that night and I try as I might, I never got ahold of you." Daniel tells me."Oh please, my phone never went off." I scoff."Maybe you didn't hear it or see it. As someone who is seeing their dead husband, don't you think anything is possible?" Dr. Grant asked.I look between the two and I realize that I could be crazy after all. I thought I had myself together. I thought being with Daniel meant I was ready to move on. What they were saying wasn't completely off. If I can see Linkoln, anything was possible. I was pissed at Daniel for that night, but I understand that he was likely caught off guard. If he was willing to go these lengths to talk to me, it was enough for me to give him a chance. "Maybe...I'm sorry Daniel.""It's okay, just let me be here for you today. I want to better understand what's going on.""Let's start the session and see where we stand at the end, yeah?" Dr. Grant suggests.I agree and talk things out with both of them for the next hour. We talk about the possibilities of why I'm seeing Linkoln. Dr. Grant concludes that it's my own guilty conscience about moving on for the first time since I started seeing Daniel and because I was falling for him, my brain was creating hallucinations of Linkoln so I won't forget him. It all makes sense. I tell Dr. Grant about my rising anxiety as of late and she prescribes a medication for me.Daniel offers to pick it up for me since I have to get back to work. I leave the session and I can't say I feel any better, but I don't feel worse. I'm moved by Daniel's gesture. I thought for sure it was over since I hadn't heard from him in a week, but it turns out he was trying, and I blocked his number. I don't remember doing that, but I don't feel like myself lately and find it's easier to believe him.Daniel texts me that night and tells me my medication is in my mailbox. I smile as he still respects the boundary of not meeting Arlo just yet. I tuck him into bed and go out to the mailbox to pull out my medication. I hear a noise across the street and under the lamp post stands the silhouette of a man. The light shines on his face and my heart wretches in my chest."Linkoln..." I sigh to myself and close my eyes. "You're not real..." I utter and open them again to find him walking toward me. My first instinct is to turn and run away. But this was Linkoln, and hallucination or not, he was a man I loved desperately. He sees that I nearly run back to my house and stops. Our eyes meet and, for a moment, I feel the way I used to around him; safe and happy. Those blue eyes could bring me to my knees, and he knew it. I take a step toward him, and I can smell his cologne wafting.They say hallucinations can be seen, smelt, and heard. Could they be touched? I'm ready to find out until I hear Arlo's voice from the door. "Mommy?"I turn to look at Arlo, "Yeah sweetie?""Can I have some milk?"I smile and turn my gaze back to Linkoln, but he's gone. I knew he was just my imagination, and I don't usually get annoyed with Arlo over milk, but I had a moment. A moment where I got to feel what it used to be like around Linkoln. He wasn't real, but my brain created something I wanted to indulge, and Arlo disrupts it for his stupid need for milk.I turn to walk inside and lock the door. I get Arlo his milk and look at my medication. The label states a medication that's stronger than what I used to be on. The side effects seem harmless, and I pop a pill in my mouth, drinking it down with a glass of water. I haven't been on medication in years and feel the drowsiness kick in. Dr. Grant says that the benefits take time to set in. As any anxiety and depression medication take. I get ready for bed in hopes that this medication truly helps with things.What I saw of Linkoln tonight is why I have to do this. It's time to move on with my life and if this medication prevents me from seeing him, then so be it. As they say, what's dead should stay dead. I turn off all the lights, brush my teeth, change into my tank top and slide into bed. I begin to dose off when all the sudden I hear the crackling of...fire?I hear Arlo scream from his room, and I shoot out of bed and open my door to run to his, but I'm surrounded by flames."MOMMY!" Arlo screams."ARLO!" I scream back.I hear Arlo's helpless screams while I have no way to get to him. This has to be a nightmare. I feel the heat of the flames, but it can't be real. I go to step into the flames, but they're scalding hot. I scream for my son again and this time I see him walking down the hall, unphased by the flames. He's rubbing his eyes as though I've just woke him up and he's drowsily making his way to my room."ARLO! NO!" I scream and he reaches out and he runs into my arms. Everything stops and Arlo is in my arms crying."Arlo?" I ask as my face floods with tears."Mommy, you screamed my name, and it scared me. Did you have a bad dream?"I look around and find myself in the safety of my room. The door is open, I did rise to my feet and try to run to my son. Dr. Grant is right, I'm in serious need of help.