ˢᵗʳᵃʷᵇᵉʳʳʸ ᴷⁱˢˢᵉˢ

ᵀᵒᵒ ᴳᵒᵒᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵀʰⁱˢ ᵂᵒʳˡᵈ

"No mamma, non voglio fare l'avvocato, sono un calciatore, e anche bravo"i shout down the phone  this conversation has been going on for 15 minutes (No mum, I don't want to be a lawyer, I'm a footballer, and a good one at that)

we're all back at talia and simons, we decided  to not go out and to just spend time all together instead

i'm currently on the phone to my parents to tell them about the england news, unfortunately, they're not happy, which was never a surprise, i just hoped that for once they would be happy for me

"non è un vero lavoro, sta calciando un pallone" how dare she "recitare non è un vero lavoro, è leggere parole" the group can hear our conversation and are dying with laughter , they're using their very bad italian skills to understand what we're staying (it's not a real job, it's kicking a ball)(acting is not a real job, it's just reading words)

"Come ti permetti, questo è il mio sostentamento" oh wow, i can't believe her, i'm getting more and more agitated (how dare you, this is my livelyhood)

"E? questo è il mio sostentamento, ma no, non ti interessa, sto studiando per diventare avvocato perché anche tu mi vuoi, tutto quello che ho fatto è stato cercare di renderti felice, ma a nessuno importa di me, perché dovrebbe Voi? sai una cosa, ho finito, lasciami in pace." i'm so done with these people, i hang up the phone,walk out the room, and then out the house, not even risking a glance at the others (and? this is my livelihood, but no, you don't care, I'm studying to be a lawyer because you want me too, all I did was try to make you happy, but no one cares about me, why should you? You know what, I'm done, leave me alone.)

it's been nearly an hour and my phones been blowing up, but i can't face them, maybe i'm not ready to be captain, maybe i should just tell sarina to give it to a  more seasoned player,i don't know what to do, so i do the only thing i can

i try to stop thinking about football and focus on the sunset in front of me, i'm sat on the beach just trying to clear my head, i have so much going on, i don't know if i can accept the captaincy. if everything goes south, that's on me

i stay here for 10 more more minutes until i feel 2 people sit next to me, one on either side, i know who'll it'll be, so i don't bother looking

"i don't know if i can accept it guys" i tell them in tears "why Evelyn? you're clearly good enough, sarina thinks so, we think so, so why don't you?" lucy asks me trying to get me to look at her but i just focus on the sunset, i can tell she's annoyed, or disappointed, that's the only time she ever calls me evelyn

"i'm too young, what if we don't win? it'll be my fault, i thinks more seasoned player should be given the roll" i tell them lowering my head, i stay like this until my head is tilted slightly against my will

"don't say that, you evelyn sunny garcia, are the best player we've seen, you're our best player, you're the best in the world" keira tells me forcing me to make eye contact with her slowly dropping my chin"but what if i'm the reason we lose?" i don't want to disappoint anyone

"how about, if you feel like you don't wanna do it anymore, you can tell sarina, and we can make someone else take over okay?" lucy suggests making me look at her "will people not get mad?" i sniffle "they won't, and if they do, fuck them, they can't see your talent, they don't know what you've been through, they don't get an opinion, so does that plan sound okay?" lucy vocalises her thoughts

i think about it, i can let someone else take the armband at any time, and no one will be angry, i won't disappoint them "right, okay, now come on, i need you to take a picture of me" i tell them wiping my tears, standing up and pulling them with me