A Chance In Redemption

Chapter 3

Amelia's POV..Three years later
I got up from my knees. Holding on to the rail that's attached to the wall by the toilet. Slowly standing up, I walked forward to the bathroom counter.

I gripped the edge tightly. I took deep breaths attempting to calm my nerves down a few seconds later. I laid both hands flat on the counter. Looking down at my feet. I'm scared to look at myself. I know once I do. I'm going to regret this and I can't. I need to do this. I need to lose weight if I want to be beautiful.

My eyes slowly fill with hot tears. My body can only hold so much before it's ticking like a bomb that's about to explode. The feeling of my throat swelling and chest hurting, but I swallow it down and have it rest at the bottom of my heart, adding another ache of deep anger to eventually come out.
I wanted to scream. To hit something. Anything. I don't want to do this anymore! Silently screaming at myself in my head.
Slightly glancing at my reflection. What have I done? My undereyes have dark shadows. My body looks like it hasn't changed, it has always been big boned but, inside it has.

I can feel my bones aching from hunger. Lightly touching my collarbone, I finch from it feeling slightly sore.

I can see the scale's reflection in the mirror. The temptation staring right at me. I need to see.
I need to know what I lost. I know if I don't, the thinking won't stop. Straightening myself up, I walk over and step on.

Looking straight at the wall. Waiting.
140 lbs.
I should be 138.

~

"What do you guys want for dinner?" my mother asked Reyna and me. She drove around waiting for our response.
"Taco Bell or McDonald's?" She asked again. "McDonalds'' Reyna said, not paying attention, too occupied on her phone.
"Mother. I'm tired of greasy food," I mumbled. Fidgeting my fingers.
"What?! I can't hear you, speak louder" she asked in an irritated tone. "I'm tired of greasy food," I told her again, calmly.
"Too bad. Healthy food is expensive. Be grateful I'm buying food at all with money I don't have." She yelled, in a cold tone. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry" I apologized, regretting even saying anything at all.

Once we got home, she gave me my portion. I had to eat it all and tonight she ordered a lot. Forcing myself to swallow everything on my plate. This is going to hurt twice as much later.

~

I walked to school the next morning, thinking it would help me. It's about a 20-minute walk. Once I got to school, I was sweaty and tired. My sweatpants and hoodie only made it worse because it was sticking to my skin and I couldn't take anything off. It will only make it worse for what people already say about me.

"Fatty Amelia, I see you already ate today," Ezra says with a sadistic grin, walking right beside me.
I continue to ignore him until he grabs my hand, pulling me into the nearest classroom.
"What are you doing?" I asked. Panicking inside. He says nothing and locks the door.
Oh no. My heart is pacing. He walks towards me. I step backward. Trying to get distance between us.
"What are you doing?" I asked again. He can see the fear in my eyes, he continues to smile at me. This sick game he plays always amuses him. He traps me in between him and the desk behind me. Playing with the ends of my curly hair.
"One day," he said. "One day?" I asked, confused about what the hell is going on. "One day" he repeated, smiling.
Showing his dimples. He backs away, keeping eye contact with me. When he's close enough to the door, he turns around. Unlocks the door and leaves.
Fucking bastard.

~

I step into the shower after undressing myself. I closed the curtain and closed my eyes. As I stepped under the water head. My hair grew a lot longer, it was now to my waist.
Every time I shower, I make sure to try to avoid looking at my body. When I wash myself, I look at the shower wall. I hate seeing myself bare. It's a constant reminder of why I'm doing this to myself.

I can feel my throat closing up, but I refuse to cry. I'm always crying and it's frustrating because I don't know what else to do.
I sat down, putting my back against the tub. Bringing my knees to my chest to cover up. I reach over to switch the water to cold. I gasp. Trying so hard not to switch it back to warm.

Pain is the only way I can distract myself from reality. Listening to the water hit the walls of the tile. Listening to the water making a whole different sound against the shower curtain.

My body feels numb but I can still feel the cold water caress my body every time I breathe. Inhaling slowly, I closed my eyes and held my breath.
I count. Second. By. Second in my mind. At twenty I gasped, opening my eyes. I exhaled deeply.

~
After my shower and changing into new clothes. I made sure no one was in the hallway before I walked towards the medicine cabinet in the hallway. I quietly open the wood cabinet looking for the sleeping pills..

I opened the bottle and took four out. Putting the cap back on, I placed it back where I found it.
When I went into the kitchen, my mother was cooking dinner. Once I saw her pour oil into the pan. I knew it wasn't healthy. Oil has a lot of calories. I noticed everything I consumed over the years has affected my body.

I got a cup from the cupboard and put it under the water   machine, filling it to the top. Right when I was about to leave. My mother asked if I was hungry.
"Yes."
I am hungry but I wasn't planning on eating tonight. I left the kitchen and walked to my room. Swallowing down the pills.
It was a hundred-milligram dose. It seems like a lot but I've done this before.

Rose POV...
It's been three years since I last saw Amelia. She's eighteen now somewhere in this world.
I believe deep down that she's safe but I hope she's happy. She would've been proud of the person I've become. After finally forgiving the past. I've chosen to move on with my future.

I've been healing my inner child. I don't hold grudges anymore like I used to. I learned how to forgive my parents for what happened but, most importantly I learned to forgive myself.
I've been off of my medication for a while, although I still go to therapy on days when it's hard.

Leah has been more protective of my mom. Trying to guide her in the right direction when it comes to her relationships with men. She tries to do the same thing with me when it comes to Adam but my mother and me have one common problem.

We're gullible when it comes to men. We fall easily. All you gotta do is say the right thing at the right time. But, since we're gullible, we forgive too easily.

Adam.

Adam makes me feel things I've never felt before. He makes me feel wanted, but at the same time makes me feel worthless.
There are days where I'm the happiest I've ever been and days where I'm the most utterly heartbroken.

He can make me feel so safe with words of assurance but at the same time make me feel suffocated.
We have been through so much that it kills me that I can't fix our problems. I wish I could so we could both be at our happiest.

I know we're not together and I could easily move on. It's just hard to leave him when I'm so attached to him.
When he's the first male who has shown me what it's like to feel loved.