A Chance In Redemption

Chapter 5

Amelia's POV...
At school, no one likes me. People talk more about me than talk to me. I don't blame them. I'm the only fat black girl at this school. Girls would snicker around me and say how much I eat or that I'm the reason I'm poor from clothing. "I'd tap that ass if you lost some!" one of the boys shouted, across the room. As I sat in my seat.

Twenty minutes into class, I felt someone drawing on my lower back with their finger. I want to turn around and tell them to fuck off but it's not worth it. The class will be over in the next fifteen minutes.

I feel their hand draw a vertical line down my back, then a vertical 'm' on the line. B? They stop, and then draw another vertical line with other three smaller vertical lines spaced out on that line. E? What the fuc-?
On each letter it stops, then continues to another letter. A? Half circle. U? I don't know why I'm even paying attention, but it feels nice and I don't see the harm in wasting my class time on what this is. The teacher is just reading a slideshow and the lights are off.
Vertical line. Horizontal line. T? Stop. Vertical line. Stop. I? Vertical line. Two smaller vertical lines on the long one, spaced out. F? Half circle again. U. Vertical line with small horizontal line, in one piece. L.

Beautiful? Right when I was going to turn around, the bell rang. Everyone was moving so I couldn't get a glance at who it was.

~

"I don't like what you're wearing," my mother said disgustedly, looking down at my shirt. "Why?" I asked curious as to what was wrong with it. "I just don't. It looks unattractive" she said, starting to get irritated. "Well. I don't do it to be attractive. I do it so I can try to feel good about myself" I explained to her.
"That makes no sense. Feel good about yourself?" She scoffed. As if I said something stupid. "I don't like you wearing that. Showing your stomach as if you're grown" Why didn't she understand me the first time? I didn't do it for attention. It was for me.
"Okay," I wasn't going to continue the conversation. I already feel shity about my body. Why does she have to make it worse?

'It looks unattractive. It's not attractive'
I can't stop replying to her words.
"I'm going to the store," I told her, standing up. I walk to the front door where my keys are hooked on a key hanging decoration by the door. "Cover yourself up before you leave Amelia" she demanded. I ignored her and shut the front door.

Screw her! The one time I want to feel good about wearing a crop top and I'm grown?! I drove to the nearest gas station. After I parked my car and got my wallet from the console, I walked in. The cashier greeted me as I began to walk around. I was doing so well today. My confidence was there and it rarely comes out.
Now I just want to binge.

I'm angry and the only thing I can go to is food. I don't have any other release besides cold showers but, I don't want to go home. Food is the reason I throw up but, I know I shouldn't.
Fuck it.
I grabbed a pint of ice cream from the freezer, and a fork package from the hot dog station and ringed it up. Once I got in my car I opened it the bint then one bite. Two bites. Before I knew it, I ate the whole thing.

No, no no, NO! I continuously hit the wheel out of frustration. Four hundred and seventy calories. I had consumed. In one sitting.
I leaned my head back on the headrest, knowing what I needed to do when I got home. I wasn't always like this. At some point when I was younger, I was free from all this.
The younger me wouldn't know what calories were or that the amount of food I consume makes me get bigger. I don't even know how I got here, to be honest, but, I hope one day my body forgives me for all the damage I caused.

~

My knees on the bathroom carpet. One hand on the floor. The other down my throat. I push my index finger and middle finger deep down. Swirling around, making sure I puke out all those calories.
The worst part about all this is, not that I'm hurting myself or I have to make sure I'm not gagging loud. It's the fact that no one can hear my suffering. No one damn person outside this door.

~

I decided I wanted to push my confidence today. Yesterday was..not a great start. But, I need this today. Looking in the back of my closet for my tight fitted floral dress that I bought when I was in a good place. I never once wore it, till now.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE was staring at me. Every nerve in my body wanted to cover up. Wanted to put my hoodie back on.
When I got to my locker, I kept my head down so my hair can cover my face. Right when I was about to leave.
"Amelia. You should lay off the pie." Ezra whispers in my ear. Leaning on the other side of my locker door. "No man is gonna want someone with belly rolls." He says in a sarcastic tone then smiles at me, looking at me up and down with his green eyes. Some boy whistled my way. I was about to turn to look who it was until Ezra grabbed my jaw not giving me the chance to. "Don't be a pig. Oh wait, you already are" he said in a cold tone, looking at my straight in my eyes.

I forcefully turned my head, making his hand move from my jaw. It's weird how you can actually feel it in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings. Trying my hardest not to break down in front of him. I glared at him as I slammed my locker closed. Heading to the nearest bathroom.

Ezra POV..
She can pretend all she wants but behind pretty brown eyes, I saw my words get to her. They always do. I don't do it to be cruel of course. It's all part of the game. She just hasn't catched on yet.
I've always wanted her. What pisses me the fuck off is another boy looking at her like she's a piece of meat.

Walking into the women's bathroom didn't mean crap to me, I've done it before. No one was inside when I walked in. I froze once I heard her outside her stall.
No...She's not- she is.
I can hear her painfully sobbing and gasping from gagging. I bang hard on the stall. "Open the damn door Amelia!" I yelled. "Go away!" She cried. I continued pounding until she opened the stall. Her eyes were bloodshot.

She walked around me going to the sink, rinsing her mouth and pouring water on her face. She leaned both hands on the sink, looking at my reflection. "What?!" She demanded. I walked towards her. "Don't" she demanded, as she turned around, crossing her arms over her chest.

I stopped in tracks for a second but continued to walk towards her until I was right in front of her. "Why baby?" I whispered. Softly placing both my hands on her cheeks. "Why do you care?" She spit at me, removing my hands from her. "No" I growled at her, grabbing her chin, making her look at me. "Don't you dare hide from me" I commanded. Looking at her straight in her eyes. Her eyes start to tear up. "Shh baby don't cry" I whispered, softly wiping her tears away.
"Go away. You don't care. No one does. Don't pity me." She rambled, trying to get out of hold. Slapping and punching my chest. "Look at me," I said softly. "No, no, no" she rambed, struggling to leave. It breaks my heart knowing I can't take away her pain. "Look at me Amelia" I demanded, holding both her tiny wrists and holding them behind her back.

"When was the last time you ate? Not eating and puking, I mean eating" I asked looking straight in her eyes, making sure she's not lying. She froze. Looking down at the ground.

Fucking hell Amelia, what have you done?