Listen Through the Wall

a lot can change in twenty seconds

It was 9am and I was awake in my bunk.

I could hear motion outside, people getting up and starting their days. Finneas doing his weird grunt thing he does every morning, Laura yawning loudly right by my head. I thought about sticking my face out and saying hi, but I felt lazy and introverted today.

I stretched around in the small bed, picked my phone up and unplugged it, and started scrolling.

It was depressing. News headlines that made me wanna throw up. Memes I'd seen a thousand times.

I liked a post Zoe made in the middle of the night. Answered a few dm's from various celebrities that I only ever spoke with randomly on Instagram.

I sighed. Nothing was happening lately. I had another show tonight, and I was as excited for it as ever. But in my personal life... it'd been slow.

I hadn't had a boyfriend in a while, and that was a good thing. I'd gone on a sexy little spree after the last one, fucking every guy I wanted and not caring. But it got old when it got messy, when too many of them insisted on trying to nail something down.

I stared at my messages. I'd deleted all the irritating ones, and now all that was left were friends and acquaintances making small talk.

My thumb hovered over my requests. What else was I doing? I tapped it, and started scrolling.

There were sooo many messages. I ignored most of them, clicking on a couple that looked interesting. Most said the same.

Billie! You'll never see this, but I love you!

I see it. I love you, too.

I kept scrolling, then stopped on a message next to a particularly pretty woman's profile picture. She had a short bob with dark roots, the length of her hair a pastel green. She had enormous dark eyes, pale skin, and full lips. Next to her photo, it said "15 new messages." Not a stalker, but definitely a fan. I clicked it.

There were no actual messages from her, just various notifications from when she had tagged me in stories. I scrolled through them slowly. In one, she wore one of my tour shirts, and was flipping off the camera, her tongue stretched out. She didn't have pants on, only small black boy shorts. I paused, admiring the curves of her body. I bit my lip, then kept scrolling.

Another was a video, and I tapped it out of curiosity. She was lying on the floor in front of an old record player, drink in hand, listening to my last album. She'd typed across the video, "spending some time with my best girl." She grinned at the camera, humming along, then winked before the video ended.

She hadn't had a shirt on, just a lacy black bralette and a pair of baggy shorts. I took a breath. Why was I getting worked up over this girl?

The last time she'd tagged me was this morning. In the story, she was laying in bed, her green hair tousled, one hand over her eyes and her lower lip being bit between her teeth. The words across the photo said, "seeing my girlfriend tonight FINALLY!!!!!! can't wait to kiss those lips @billieeilish 🥵"

I laughed quietly, taking in the full picture. She was naked, supposedly, her white duvet pulled up just high enough to cover her tits. I swallowed. Then it hit me - if she was seeing me tonight, it meant we were in the same city.

I stared at her beautiful face, her incredible body. I saw a million pretty girls on a daily basis, whether online or at shows. Something about this girl was getting at me. I couldn't figure out why, but I was beyond caring.

One city, one show, one night. I made a split second decision.

billieeilish
excited to kiss you too baby