“Found you,” he says. His head is tilted and his eyes sparkle in the hot Florida sun. Sweat beads on his forehead. His blonde hair is wet, and there is dirt on his shins and palms. I pull my knees up to my chest to make room for him to sit with me in the playground tunnel.
“One day, when I'm older,” he starts. I ignore his five-year-old lisp exaggerated by his missing four front teeth. “And not afraid of the dark,” he continues. “You and me – we'll stay at the park all night long. It's too happy of a place to leave. All the best things happen here.”
I smile at him, reach out and touch his shoulder.
“Tag! You're it!” I shout and run away from him.
I was three. So much changed between three and seventeen, but not the way I feel about Isaac. Distance was never an obstacle, though I moved 838 miles away when I was four.
Now he's leaving. Not only is he leaving, he's leaving me.
I know it's selfish, but I want him to stay. It's no easy feat to stand idly by while you watch someone you've been in and out of love with countless time in your life go out and risk his own life.
The military – just the words pull at my heart and make my lungs too tight to breath. I can't ask him to stay – it's what he wants to do. It's what he's wanted since he was six.
The dreams haunt me – every night, all night.
It's down to the end: me and him as the world around us crumbles.
In a world where no one knows us but each other, what do I do? The same thing I've always done – run away from my feelings. Let him do what he wants.
The other dreams, I hear a doorbell. I rush to answer the door only to see a man in uniform delivering a telegram – too many old war movies I suppose.
A memory – I'm fourteen; I'm laying on my bed with Isaac. We're listening to music through his headphones and I smile at him as the song that describes us perfectly comes on. It's like the song was written for us – it tells right where we're at.
He leans in, tickling me as my insane laughter rings out. He's on top of me and as we realize this, we become very silent.
“You're so beautiful, Kya,” he says. I feel my ears get very hot. This, of all the moments I'd had to realize it, is the moment I realize I can't be with him. I can't risk it all – I can't possible risk losing what we have.
I hug him. It's over. It never was, it will never be.
Now, he's leaving.
