selfharm (again)

487 11 1

by avyrsq

by avyrsq

tws: selfharm, suicide
(If u ever feel this way, please talk to someone, I'm proud and I'm here for you
Authors note: SORRY I'VE BEEB WRITING SO MANY DEPRESSING STORIES!

Y/N's POV: Just another depressing night of my life, the only good part is having Margot in it. Without her, I honestly don't know how I'd survive or get by, she's helped me so much, but I haven't been truthful with her lately. There's this thing I do most nights, I'd lock myself up in a bathroom, and I'd cut myself.
I told Margot that I had stopped already, but I really wasn't. How could I tell her? She'd breakdown, I don't want to see her like that.
I had finished cutting, and made sure to hide the blade this time. Instead of putting it in one of the cupboards, I put it in the pocket of my hoodie, so I could hide it somewhere else. I knew Margot was coming in the bathroom next, so whatever I had done, I had to change for it to look the same as before.
I wiped my teary eyes, making sure they didn't look a single bit red, so then Margot wouldn't know. I stepped out the bathroom , and immediately jumped towards Margot.
"Aw hey pretty girl!" She said, hugging me tightly.
"Helloo! Now, hurry up and do your stuff in the bathroom so I can touch you!" I said tucking my hands tightly in my hoodie, but at the same time, trying to get Margot to forget about all that self harm stuff. She laughed and walked in the bathroom.
"You're not.. doing that , anymore, right?"
"Nope! Not anymore!" I said, as I sprinted to another room before Margot could say a word.

Margot's POV: I tried to believe y/n, I really tried, but it was hard. Not because I don't trust her, because personally , I trust her with my whole entire life. It just seemed odd because y/n isn't really as fancy as me, she doesn't use much skincare, or does anything in particular before going to bed, but she some how always stayed so long in the bathrooms, even longer than I did. I used all of my things, and hurried to find y/n.

Y/N's POV: Margot usually takes longer doing the things she does before going to sleep, so I figured I'd have some time to harm myself again, I know, it seems ridiculous to do it so often, but it felt soothing. Doing this helped me cope, what else was I supposed to do? I know I should just tell Margot, but what would she do? Yes, I know, Margot cares so so sooo much for me, and I do for her too, but like seriously? What would she do? Clean the blood that streams down my arms? Hold me as I cry? Tell me everything will be okay? Be my shoulder to cry on? She might, but I don't want to just dump all of my problems onto Margot, knowing someone that's suicidal is incredibly draining, Margot already has so much stuff to deal with. Adding on to the list will make me feel like such a horrible person. Margot deserves everything, she's so sweet, and kind, and pretty, I love her, I don't want to lose her. I cried as I cut myself, it felt better each time I did it.

Margot's POV: I headed towards me and y/n's room, I heard slight sniffing noises. My first thought was to call out y/n's name, to ask her what was wrong, but I looked at what she was doing instead. It shattered me when I peaked through our door. Tears, immediately bursting out of my eyes, I ran straight into the room , grabbing the blade and throwing it onto our bedside table.
"Y/N?! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? STOP!" I yelled, staring into her eyes.
"MARGOT? I-" I grabbed her arms, and inspected her wrists. I could feel my heart fall out of my body.
"Oh, y/n, my poor- my-" I couldn't get a single word out, based on how heartbroken I had just felt. I lifted y/n up, so we were both standing, and let her cry into my arms.
"Oh, my poor baby. Why are you doing this?" I asked, crying with her.
"I- I don't know, I felt stressed, I needed something to help me." Y/n said, sniffling and hugging me tightly.
"My baby.. why didn't you tell me you felt this way?"
"I- i don't know.. I mean, what would you do? Would you clean the blood from my arms? Would you hold me as I cried? Would you tell me everything will be okay? Would you even stay or listen to me?!"
"YES! YES! YES I FUCKING WOULD Y/N" I said, raising my voice a bit. I tried to calm myself down after what I had just witnessed.
"I would do all of that! I'LL CLEAN THE FUCKING BLOOD, I'LL HOLD YOU AS YOU CRY! I'D DO IT ALL!" I said, y/n still sobbing.
"Come on, let's just get into bed, so we can talk about this, okay?"
"Mhm.."

(Sorry these depressing stories 😭 blame the basketball not me)