CHASING THE LIGHT

CHAPTER 3

      WHEN SHE CRIES
                  ★★★
  'This is how a depressed person looks like.' ~Katie
                   ★★★

   It's it crazy right?

   How your heart burns and burns,
   And suddenly,

   Turns cold.

   How dare he? How dare he tear me open. How dare he?

   Not that I could do much damage. I just lay on my soft bed screaming into my pillow with Katie asking what's wrong.

   "Go away!" "Get out!" "Just leave!"

   Katie seemed awestruck!

  Who wouldn't be, I too was stunned to say the least. Why was I crying? Why wouldn't they stop. I felt livid!

   In six years, not once had a single tear left my eyes. And I hoped to keep it that way.

   I hoped!

   Why won't my tears listen to me?

   Silly girl, they won't be much of tears if they do, will they?       
   I'm being gullible again.

   "Tell me what's wrong Nia, who made you cry, just tell me."

   At this point,all she was really doing was annoying me.

   "I said get out." I seethed. "You can never understand."

   Katie tenses. She stood up from the bedside.

   "I've put up with your nonsense long enough." She speaks through gritted teeth. "How dare you speak to me in that manner? Have you forgotten everything so soon?"

   No! No I haven't.

   "You should be grateful to me. But instead, you're taking it out on me?"

   Fresh tears sweep my eyes as I watched her grin.

   "You don't know anything Nia, you're still a child. Sixteen years doesn't quite make the cut."

   "I'm sorry Katie."

   "Look at me Nia."

   "I'm sorry Katie."

   "Look at me Nia."

   "I'm sorry!!" I yell racked by sobs.

    "Look at ME!" She thunders, making me quiver.
  
    My eyes trailed over her across her body to a horrible sight...

    "This, is what a depressed person looks like."

    She was,......smiling!

                    ☆☆☆

   I had come buy train to my aunts house. But my aunt was dead! She died of stroke as soon as I stepped foot on the station. What more ways could the universe show me how it hates me?

   I didn't cry then. I had Promised myself never to Spill tears again. Never will I cry again! People called me names.

  'How could she not cry for her loved one.' They  would say.

  But I for one was sure that aunt was happy wherever she was. After all, she got relived of the burden of taking care of me.

   "Look Nia if you want to live with me, they're some ground rules you must follow."

   I never wanted to live with you. Have anyone bothered to ask what I want?

   No! Why should they?

   Because I'm human, humans get hurt, sad, happy angry. No matter how anyone acts. We are all still human.

   So, as I watch Katie's horrible expression. Lips stretched out as wide as they could be. Eyes dark and hollow. I realised, that I myself wasn't excused from my judgements. He had only pointed it out. And that hurt me even more.

   I'm also a lier, I am also hypocritical, I am also a cheater, I'm also not nice.
  
    It's true that people refuse to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.
  
    The truth was cruel! And lies where kind! I didn't want to be kind. And eventually, my words became worse than lies.

   But I didn't regret a single thing. I liked acting like a predator when I was a prey. That little defenseless little girl was gone!

   "Now hurry down for dinner, Nia." Katie says coldly and exits my room.

   I smile widely.

   No!

   I wasn't about to loose this game called life. Happiness isn't the end, death is. My goal was to die without any regrets. I'll always be the villain in that twisted ideal called life.

   So yes, I cried. Big deal. I'll just have to promise myself I'll never do that again.

  I was also weird, and cruel and twisted inside. I wasn't going to deny that. But I was also human!

   Just being human was enough reason to act the way I do. To be rude, to be heartless, to be cruel. Being human was enough reason to care about only myself.

   Needless to say, I had no more time to be lazing about all in the name of tears.

  "You coming?" She calls out from downstairs.

  "Yeah sure." I say, dashing to the bathroom. I wash my face and saunter downstairs to meet up with her.

  "Don't forget Nia, you ought to be grateful to me." She reminds me again. "I'm your pillar."

   I nod.

   All this because of stupid tears.

   Tears bring nothing but weakness, so I make them disappear. I hated weakness.

  "Thank you Katie." I say getting her nod of approval.

  This was my life for now. I just had to bear it. Just a little...