CaptainSwan One-Shots

Depression

Prompt: Set after Season 4 Finale. Killian feels worthless and now with Emma gone, his only reason to live, he doesn't want to live. Mary Margaret tries to convince him not to, but it doesn't work. He goes to Gold (who is no longer preserved) and asks for him to kill him. Even though Rumple has a restored heart full of light, he can still fall back into the darkness. Mary Margaret and David come rushing to the shop, attempting to stop it.

Angst/Fluff/Smut/Other: Angst

POV: First Person/Killian

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I awake from yet another restless night on Mary Margaret and David's couch. Tossing and turning, trying to push the nightmares away, but I always fail. It's been like this every night since then. The first thing that comes to my mind is the last words she said to me.

I love you.

Those three words repeat in my head like a broken record. Every day when I awake, eat, take a shower, or just anything I do on a daily basis, all I hear are those three words from the voices in my head. Those three words have kept me going ever since she left unwillingly.

Today marks the one month mark since the tragedy. Ever since then, everyone in Storybrooke has pitched in to help find the Savior. Even Will, Maleficent, and Lily have chipped in. But what do we get?

Nothing.

We've only found tiny clues here in there, but they don't do much contribution to the task at hand. All we know, that is important or somewhat necessary, is that we must find Merlin. That was the biggest help and also my last moment with her that didn't involve her being sucked away by all of the darkness, which was Gold's, and becoming the new Dark One.

I rub my eyes and curse under my breath at the Crocodile. He was given a brand new heart, free of darkness, but he did nothing to deserve it. We all were fools thinking he had changing for Belle. Yes, he made it pretty convincing, considering the fact he sacrificed himself while defeating Pan, but everyone knows all he cared about was magic. And then, once he thought he had everything, it all came crashing down. I mean, it was only a matter of time before all his 'Dark One' deeds came rushing back to break him, aka karma, his darkness caving in. All he's done is try to kill Emma, or someone related to her, and here comes a brand new, white, light heart, free of charge. Not a speck of darkness to be seen; it wasn't even red like an actual heart was supposed to be. He got everything he wanted and what did he do to get it? Nothing.

As I slowly sit up, my thoughts for revenge come tumbling back, but I push them away in trade for depression. I'd rather die then turn dark and live a life with not love, but hate. What would Emma think if I turned back into the man I used to be? Well, right now, I bet she would be proud, considering the fact that her name is now engraved in the dagger, giving her the ability to be darker than ever before. But, I know that's not the real Emma. Deep down inside, everyone knows she's the Savior, the Light One, my love.

She's my only reason to live.

And now, she's gone.

A tear forms in my eye as the thoughts of our times together come flooding through, tugging at my heart strings harder than ever before. When we first met on the beanstalk, our first kiss in Neverland, our adventure through time, our first meaningful kiss where she brought down her walls, our first date, her bringing down some more walls by showing me a childhood video, when we reunited after she almost got rid of her powers, reuniting again after I was almost killed by Gold, when she gave me her trust and had faith in me about Ursula and was going to always see the hero side of me, when I confessed my feelings for her because she was my happy ending, and us finally being happy.