In The Name Of Love

Would you let me lead you even if you're blind?

Tubbo sat on the swing in the park. Feeling nothing. A pleasant nothing. He finally felt like living. Not thriving, not on the brink of surviving either, but just living. It felt like he could simply swing up and float there. Peaceful but scary.

He got off, not knowing how to feel. Tommy had already gone home, giving him a key before he left.

Tubbo stood there. Isolated. It began to rain, and everyone else had left. It was nice though. A peaceful alone. It would only give him more time to look back on the past in relaxation. He plugged his airpods in and listened to the first random song that showed up. The rain was only a tiny drizzle.

If I told you this was only gonna hurt, if I warned you that the fire's gonna burn, would you walk in? Would you let me do it first, do it all in the name of love-

Holy shit, music wasn't supposed to hit this hard-

But yet it did. And it had given him the most massive heart attack ever.

-but how could he complain? He felt energy overflowing in him. The sky darkened. With clouds looming over him. If only he could share the moment. If only-

It seemed as if the song picked up on exactly what he wished he could do. It shed light on one of his only desires. To have someone he was a hundred percent comfortable with. To have someone that he could share his darkest thoughts with and not fear judgement. Poisonous thoughts stung him. He already had that person. There was no denying it now. Tubbo knew deep inside it was Ranboo. It was already Ranboo. And it would forever be Ranboo.

"You can't make someone fall back in love," Sarah said during a previous session.

Tubbo's thoughts shattered. But did it count? He couldn't imagine how hard it would be to deal with anything like this again. Every day since Day 1 without Ran was at least ten percent more alone. No, not alone- lonely.

"People should fight, that's natural. But if it's healthy, then that's good," Sarah spoke, smiling.

No, there had to be hope. Otherwise Ran would've never sent him that donation. There must still be hope. And he would fight for it. Tubbo's feelings mingled in a turbulent sea of emotions. From the hopeful sea foam at the top of the wave, to the angry waves lashing against himself at the shore.

If only he hadn't built a stupid wall between them. If only he would be brave enough to break the glass keeping them apart. No matter what the wall was made of, perhaps he could find a door. Was Ranboo going to be happy when he showed up from the other side of the door? Did Ranboo even want the door to be opened? But he had to, right? Otherwise he would have never sent him that donation.

Did he even want the door to be opened? He did, right? That's what his therapy was all about, right? It felt like Tubbo had finally been able to form a coherent thought in his head for the first time in forever. He wanted to see Ranboo. The rain began to pour. Gentle trickles to a monsoon.

And it sent Tubbo crying. Crying harder than the rain could get.

Back at his house, Tommy typed a message into the Sorry Boys group chat. His hands shook as he clicked send.

Tommy:

HELLO, do you guys wanna have a guest in our next vid

It took 15 minutes until all but Ranboo went online.

Wilbur:

ya, depends on who tho

Phil:

yea, same:]

Ranboo went online. Tommy's heart dropped to the floor.

Tommy:

can Tubbo be in it? i asked him and he said sure. if you don't want a guest right away, understandable too:)

Slime:

that's good with me, wait also, where are we filming this again?

Tommy:

idk, it's up for improv

Wilbur:

Sounds good

Ranboo:

ya, sure. That works with me:D

Miles away, Ranboo's heart raced. He was going to- there was no way that he was actually going to-

He looked around for something to grab. The Michael plush he had received from a fan caught his eye. He immediately pulled it towards him and embraced it, ignoring the dust on it.

"It's okay, you'll see papa soon," Ran spoke softly towards Michael, weeping happily.

Tommy smiled in relief, as if on cue, Tubbo unlocked the front door and stepped in.

"You're meeting Ranboo!" Tommy exclaimed ecstatically.

Tubbo dropped the keys, "I am?"

The other boy nodded his head frantically.

"No way, I will meet Ranboo!" Tubbo cried, it felt unreal. Ethereally alive and happy.