fond; kv

twelve.

Taehyung clutched onto his fork while eating, gripping onto his hair due to a sharp headache that had formed from all that crying. Jeongguk sat in front of him eating too, silently watching Taehyung for any signs of struggles.

The boy would flinch at times or cover his ears from something he didn't want to hear. The annoying thing about hallucinations was that they were unpredictable, and it wasn't always auditory and visual.

Sometimes Taehyung could feel a spider crawling up his legs, but there would be nothing there. Or he'd feel something grab him, but once again nothing was there. He'd at times taste random flavours and smell certain scents that would stay for days and would never go away.

"What does psychotic depression mean?" Taehyung broke the silence between them and stopped eating, looking up at Jeongguk who did the same, "She's assessing me for that- I don't get it."

"It's when your severe depression can develop psychotic symptoms- like hallucinations, paranoia and delusions," Jeongguk explained to Taehyung who listened to him carefully, "And your symptoms are based around your depression. So you have hallucinations about maybe hearing voice's telling you that your useless or see scary things from the past. Your delusions might be that you strongly believe you're worthless even though you're not."

"How long does it last?" Taehyung was helpless, he wanted it to stop.

Jeongguk sighed, "An episode can last from weeks to months, sometimes they can last longer and they can happen more frequently if you aren't under treatment. But, if your psychiatrist thinks you have it then you should start it soon."

Taehyung nodded and shuffled on his seat, "Does that mean you'll leave after I get better?" He asked with doe eyes, staring up at Jeongguk who had an unreadable expression.

Jeongguk didn't want to leave Taehyung at all. He knew that once a client didn't need him anymore he'd leave, but Jeongguk wanted to hold Taehyung's hand even after he got better. The idea of leaving caused a sharp pain in his chest and his smile to fall.

"No, we'll still see each other," Jeongguk said in a promising voice, "Do you want to go out and get a haircut?"

Taehyung hesitated, "I like my hair the way it is."

"It is pretty on you, but maybe you'd like a little change? And it could motivate you to look after yourself more," Jeongguk suggested to the boy who still seemed reluctant.

Taehyung liked his fluffy black hair that covered most of his eyes, he didn't want people to see his poorly looked after face and he just despised the idea of going outside. The thought of it alone made his stomach churn.

"Don't go out. You probably smell. Everyone judges you."

"I don't wanna go out," Taehyung breathed out.

"Just today, I want ask you again," Jeongguk continued to push the idea, "Maybe you can get a new hair colour? Something out of your comfort level and new."

"Okay." Taehyung eventually gave in. He wanted to spend more time with Jeongguk as a person and he could recognise that the man was trying his best to help him, so he decided to give him a chance.

Jeongguk was beyond happy that the boy actually agreed, "Are you finished eating? The earlier we get there the quicker you'll get seen."

"I'm done." Taehyung pushed his empty bowl towards Jeongguk to show that he had eaten everything.

"Well done," Jeongguk softly smiled at him and stood up to place all the dishes away, "Finish your water and we can get ready to go."

Taehyung did as asked and stood up to place his own glass away. A smile formed on his face when he saw that Jeongguk was genuinely proud of him, that sight was unfamiliar to him yet it meant so much. It encouraged him to do better more than anything.