Demented Torture

Love is complicated

After everything that Bill's done to me, beat me, starved me, beat me more, confined me to our apartment, I still love him. I fell in love with his perfectly chiseled body, blond hair, and jade green eyes. I fell in love with his looks, brains, brawn, and talent. It didn't matter that he had a shit personality. Or so I thought.

I fell in love with someone I thought I knew. He was nice when we were dating; he'd hold doors open for me, be courteous and complimentary when he met my parents and siblings, and constantly say good things about me and to me.

It wasn't until much later that I'd start to notice things I hadn't previously, things that made me cower in fear.
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The first night he moved in, he insisted on sleeping on the couch when he noticed I was hesitant about allowing him to sleep in my bed. I had gathered him a blanket and a pillow, and there he slept for about a week and a half until I felt comfortable enough to let him sleep with me.

Bill had an odd sleeping pattern; where as I'd just fall into bed and sleep on my back, he had to toss and turn for a half hour before he fell asleep. It was cute at first, watching him struggle. It's annoying now, having to lie still on my side until he was done adjusting. And I had to sleep on my side now, anyway, because he took up too much room.

I have to stay still as a rock when I feel him come in (I always go to bed before him) because if I move, or make a move indicating I was awake otherwise, he tries to do things to me. I try to deny him as often as I can, and sometimes he's too tired to do anything and just falls asleep, but sometimes he has energy enough to touch me. On those occasions, I have to turn onto my back and act like I was enjoying it. If I didn't act, he'd get angry and hurt me, slapping me until I "enjoyed it". When he was done, he'd roll over onto his side, back facing me as he falls asleep, content and satisfied. I too turn away from him, but I have a hard time falling asleep after; he always finishes before me, and when he was done, he was done.
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Meal times were another thing that irked him. If I didn't have his breakfast cooked when he woke up, his lunch packed for work, and dinner prepared when he got home, I'd have Hell to pay. I've only forgotten once, and that was on a Wednesday. Thursday I really felt the pain. I was bruised all over, had a killer headache, and even though I've gotten better at stitching, it was by no means a pretty sight.
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Denying him was his biggest pet peeve with me. He'd get home from work and grab my body, expecting something out of it. I was usually able to worm my way out of the situation, "Dinner's ready. Come eat," or, "How was your day today?" Sometimes he'd just let me walk away. I still loved him, though, and I would let him have his way with me, but I'd never forgiven him for taking my virginity.
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We were at a gaming convention half a year ago, and I was hanging out with Bill, Mark, Bob, Wade, and a few others at a pub.

The most Bill and I had done at that point was make out, but by then he had begun abusing me, and I let him because I thought it was just temporary, maybe he'd been having a hard week at work or something.

I was sitting next to Bill (like he'd let me sit anywhere else, ha!) when I suddenly felt his hand on my leg. The guys were all sitting across from us, Bill and I sitting near the end of the table. I laughed at something Wade had said, and felt Bill's hand move further up my thigh. When the guys had turned away, I looked at Bill, whispering to the floor, "Not now, Bill. Please." He retracted his hand, moving it to entwine with mine before saying, "How about we leave and go back to the hotel?" I shook my head, "no," at him; I wasn't ready to do anything with him.

His grip tightened on my hand under the table, making me suck in a small breath of air through my teeth, hissing in pain. Mark was sitting the closest to Bill and I, and heard me, "You okay, Jack?" I nodded my head, but a squeeze on my hand told me to say otherwise, "Actually, I think we're gonna go. I don't feel so good all of a sudden," I put a hand over my stomach for emphasis. Saying, "Goodbye," and, "Yeah, see you tomorrow!" we took our leave.
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As soon as our door was locked, Bill turned on me. "What the Hell, Jack? I thought you'd want me," he said, beginning to kiss my neck and pinning me up against the wall. I moaned at his kissing, grunted at his question. He moved to my mouth, biting my lip softly. He tenderly began moving his hands over my torso and back, massaging lightly.

When I felt his hand start moving over my jeans, I pushed him away, looking down at the floor. "I- uh- I d-don't want to go f-further," I stuttered, growing red in the face. He grabbed my face with one of his hands, forcing me to look up at him, "I. Don't. Care." Knowing he meant it, I tried another tactic, "I- uhm- it's my f-first time. I wanna s-save myself f-fer someone special." He picked me up, making me wrap my legs around his waist. I tried to fight him off, knowing it'd be futile. It was true, though. I was a virgin, and knew I was saving myself until I met that special guy. "Aren't I good enough for you, Jack?" he said, spitting out my name as he lowered me onto the bed.

He released my legs, now putting his hands on either side of my face. I couldn't look him in the eye, too fearful as I slowly shook my head negatively. He slapped me, then he reached down and punched me in the gut. We had only been dating for almost a year then, and I wasn't used to his bearings. Yet.

I whimpered, finally able to worm my way out of his grasp. I quickly reached blindly for the doorknob, my tears blurring my vision. I fumbled at the lock for a brief moment, finally able to open the door. I had one foot out into the hallway, already screaming for help, but I felt a hand clamp down around my chest. I knew the fight was over then. My resistance was futile.

I still fought, though, even though I knew I'd lose. Bill was always more buff than I, and he used his strength against me. He pulled me back inside the room just as I got one last glance down the hallway. Blue eyes met brown - 'Mark! Help me!' I silently cursed myself, my throat couldn't get the words out, tears choking me up. "Jack!" Mark shouted, taking off down the hallway towards me, but he was too late. I just felt his hand brush my fingertips as I was dragged towards Bill.
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There was frantic knocking on the door after Bill locked it again. I could hear Mark shouting something akin to, "help," and, "management." The pounding stopped as I assume he went to grab an employee who could help. I knew it was useless in doing so, but I hoped. I hoped Mark would come back, I hoped I could get away from Bill altogether. This hope was quickly crushed as Bill towered over me.
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Mark returned with a manager, and the man opened the door with his master keycard. Mark was the first one by me. I would be told later, at the hospital, that he found me unconscious and bleeding from multiple wounds. Bill was nowhere to be found. I couldn't remember anything.
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The hospital was a blur of memory, people talking to me, asking me questions. I faintly remember hearing the words, "possible concussion," "abuse," "arrest," and, "Bill." These words were repeated back and forth between Mark, a doctor, and a few officers.

When I awoke, I found Mark crying, holding his head in one hand, my hand held softly in his other. My head hurt like a bitch, as did my body. I turned my head slowly grimacing at the pain. I squeezed Mark's hand; he gasped at the pressure and looked up at me. He reached up and petted my face softly; I let him. I'd always liked Mark, more than a friend, but I figured he was straight and I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

My eyes widened when I seen Bill standing at the door. He stormed over to us. Mark stood and chested up to Bill, he being about the same height and weight as Bill. I began crying when fists flew, scared that Bill would hurt Mark. I screamed when Bill fell, knocked unconscious. I was rooting for Mark, but I couldn't deny my love for Bill. The officer that was stationed on this floor in the hospital came running, accompanied by a few nurses and a doctor. The last thing I remember is Mark being held up against a wall and being arrested. I wish I could've been awake to see what happened next, but I passed out.