redamancy | miya

1.

✧༺♥༻∞

"and my family-" "oh yeah, she's a-" "and then what happened-?"

esra folded her arms against her chest, listening in on her friends' conversation. she leaned against the railing of the rooftop and felt the wind blow in her hair.

"oh my god.." she whispered under her breath, seeing the multiple couples on campus. a look of disgust took over her face, followed by a slight pang in her chest.

a pang of jealousy, if she was being truthful with herself.

"no.. no, i dont need a guy- i dont like anyone." she rolled her eyes as she whispered to herself, "what am i thinking?"

"esra," leila walked towards her and put her arm around her shoulder, "what about you?"

"hm?"

"do you have anything happening in your life?"

esra smiled and shook her head.

"no, nothing much." she shrugged, laughing it off, "I've a pretty boring life."

leila cooed and pinched her cheek, "should we go for lunch?"

the friend group agreed and leila made sure to drag esra with her. esra liked leila more than the rest of the group. sure, they bullied each other every chance they got but that was their form of affection. the other girls- esra wasn't fond of them, especially after the group grew a little bit with more people coming in.

esra was already a quiet person and she chose to listen to her friends. she gave her opinion when it mattered, otherwise she was silent. when six more girls joined her group of four, it made her feel uncomfortable.

more importantly, she felt left out, as if her presence didnt matter. leila tried to help her fit in but to esra, it felt as though she was a cube trying to fit into the shape of a circle.

the two never talked about it even though esra was sure that leila knew about her discomfort. it was a topic that esra wanted to speak up about but she was afraid of bringing it up.

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"I just wish I could talk to someone." she accidentally voiced her thought out loud as the two friends walked out of campus, making their way to the bus stop with the other students.

"what am I? a potato?" leila raised her eyebrow.

esra rolled her eyes, "you're not funny."

"but you smiled." leila poked her cheek with her finger.

the brunette sighed, "this is why you got no bitches."

leila gasped dramatically, "look who's talking! i mean... you have 'papaya', so..."

"'papaya-?' what-? oh."

"i was about to slap you if you didn't get who 'papaya' is."

esra chuckled, "yeah, no, i-i don't know about him."

"weren't you in love with him-?" leila yelped when esra slapped her arm repeatedly.

"im not! i-i mean, i was! but not anymore!"

"suuuuure~" leila wiggled her eyebrows.

"shut up." she rolled her eyes again, "i dont like him. i dont like men. men suck."

"agreed."

leila held her hand as they crossed the busy street together to get to the bus stop. they bid their byes and esra waited with the kids from her neighborhood for the bus home.

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esra's pace quickened as she got off the bus with the neighborhood kids, following her. they were talking with each other and she knew that she would rather be driven over by an incoming truck than have another interaction with another human again; after six hours of pretending to be excited and happy at the university.

they didn't call for her nor did they pay attention to the girl almost running home. she made the quick turn to finally feel the relief wash over her as she knew that she wouldn't have to see other people's faces again for the rest of the day.

she ran towards the front of her apartment, dashed inside and closed the door, without missing a beat. esra locked it as she looked around at the empty surroundings.

it was always weird, coming back from such a busy place to an empty home. the loneliness enveloped her and it made her shudder.

she went to her bedroom and laid down on the bed, a big sigh leaving her parted lips. she stared at the ceiling fan for a while before digging through her pockets for her phone. she opened the message app and a smile formed on her lips as she saw multiple texts from her friends.

emma🦋
HIIIIIIIIIII
ESRAAAAA
I MISS YOUUUU :((
hope you're doing okay!! and you're taking care of yourself!!

heyy
yeah im okay
jus tired after university
ill get back to you after freshening up

emma is typing...

'that was fast.' she grinned as she went through her other chats.

hazelnut❤️
my nephew says hi
did i ever tell you my nephew is the cutest thing to exist on planet earth?
no?
lemme tell you, he's literally so cute bro
i dont know how i lived 19 years without him

tell your nephew i said hi too
and ik he's fucking adorable
i wanna see him again.
maybe ill come over this weekend.

the last few drops of energy vanished as she finished responding to her friends. that was her cue to enter the bathroom for a nice, 'everything shower' as her friend, audrey, called it. the first time she followed her instructions, she remembered feeling like the cleanest she's ever felt.

it was like the weight of the day just disappeared with the waters drowning in the drain.

'that's literally all i need right now.'

✧༺♥༻∞

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a/n: been in drafts for too long lmao

updates will be slow.