redamancy | miya

3.

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☾⋆⁺₊🎧✧ tired by beabadoobee 

esra knocked on the front door and she heard footsteps coming from the inside of the house. a few baby noises also were also made out, which formed a grin on her lips. the door swung open and she was tackled into a hug without any warning. she caught herself from falling, saving her and hazel from a concussion.

hazel apologised immediately, "hi, i got too excited, i have not had a normal human interaction in a while." 

"yeah, i can tell," esra pushed her away, "i'm not here for you, i'm here for the little one."

hazel dramatically held her hand against her chest, pretending to have a heartache, "you betrayed me."

"and i know that you'll never feel sorry~" she sang in a low whisper.

hazel laughed out loud and continued to sing the lyrics to traitor while esra went on a search for her little nephew. she greeted hazel's mother and sister calmly, who came into the living room after hearing the chaos coming from the two friends. esra almost squealed when she saw oscar in the big sister's arms.

he immediately rejected her as she tried to pick him up and she ended up pouting at him, which did not work. hazel took that as a chance to flaunt on the fact that oscar loved his aunt so much that he did not hesitate to cling onto her. esra rolled her eyes playfully and her mother spoke up,

"he needs to warm up to you, sweetie." 

esra laughed, "yeah, i know. it was worth a shot.." she smiled at the two women, "its good to see you again."

hazel carried oscar upstairs, as esra followed. they both went into her room and closed the door. esra flopped down on her bed and let out a big sigh,

"I really need to buy a vehicle, i can't keep walking to people's places."

"sell your kidneys, that might work." hazel chuckled at her own joke as oscar mimicked her, which made the two girls laugh.

"I would, if I could, honestly." esra said, "where should I sell it? how much would I get for one? would it be enough for a car?"

hazel rolled her eyes, "lady, you're asking me as if you don't have google in the palm of your hands."

"well, that's because you're so smart, your highness."

"I know I'm smart," hazel playfully rolled her eyes, oscar made a noise, "see? even oscar agrees."

"hazel, I did not disagree that fact."

after a series of bickering back and forth, they sat down on the bed together to watch some movies while hazel's mom came to take oscar away. esra had her head against hazel's shoulder, blushing every time the handsome male lead showed up on screen while hazel ate her popcorn, complaining about her friend being a simp.

"but he's handsome!" she whisper-yelled, turning all red from how she was trying not to squeal. hazel rolled her eyes, shoving a handful of popcorn into esra's mouth to calm her down. safe to say, it worked.

esra gave her a thumbs-up, indicating that she had relaxed from her hyper-fixation.

the movie ended and esra had slid all the way down to hazel's lap. the two sat in silence as esra typed away on her phone. her friends were talking about their relationships and guy friends and she tried to think of an advice to give them. but what could she say when she has never even had a guy friend before? and the "guy friend" she does have couldn't even bother with her. she took a deep breath before she thought out loud,

"it's weird when people complain to me about boy troubles." she watched the ceiling and didn't meet hazel's eyes as she continued, "like, it's like they're trying to talk to a therapist but they're talking to a gynaecologist, you know what I mean?"

hazel looked at her weird and esra's lips formed into a thin line, "yeah, I don't know what I said either. but you get what I'm trying to say.. and it's so hard to ignore those thoughts as well; where I just keep thinking about how fucking lonely I am."

she sighed, "on one hand, I want people to stop talking about it and on the other, I want them to trust me to let them know I'm fine with listening."

"here's my idea.." hazel paused for dramatic effect, "you can just.. ignore them."

esra hummed, and rubbed her eyes. she covered her face with her hands and let out a short scream as her thoughts clouded inside her head. she blinked away her tears and got up from her seat on hazel's lap.

"I just.." esra sighed, not continuing her thoughts.

hazel moved closer to her and enveloped her into a tight hug. she could tell that her friend was struggling and there's so many words that were left unspoken. she heard esra sniffle as she buried her face into her shoulder.

"thank you." she mumbled.

"I know you're fighting a lot of demons these days." hazel said, "figured the hug might help."

they pulled away and esra already had tears flooding down her cheeks, "I'm.. sorry."

"why?"

"because it shouldn't matter." esra desperately tried to hold her voice together, to not let it break, "I shouldn't have to have these thoughts.. I feel so guilty for feeling them and you shouldn't be here, seeing me cry." she held a hand over her mouth, "this was supposed to be a fun hangout and I ruine-"

"NO." hazel held her shoulders and shook her lightly, "you're allowed to feel like that, its human, esra. you're allowed to cry, you're allowed to feel jealousy, you're allowed to feel anything. one thing you're not allowed to do is invalidate those feelings. it's not your fault."

it took a while for esra to calm down, she hid her face in her shoulder and tried to breathe properly while hazel ran a hand down her back to soothe the tension on her shoulders. she wanted to take away whatever was hurting her but, she couldn't. 

esra had a hard time letting people go, no matter how much she was hurting. she always blamed herself for feeling her heart ache, every time she heard about how much fun they were having with other people. it was a confusing feeling because she was happy for them and she wanted to know more but there was always a daunting thought of how the other people were so much better than her.

it was confusing to the point, it led to her breaking down in hazel's arms because she just wanted the thoughts to go away. she didn't want to have so many conflicting thoughts in her head.

hazel sighed and picked up her phone. she texted her sister to drop off the ice-cream tub from the fridge to her room's door, explaining the reason. she didn't want her sister to come inside the room because she knew esra wouldn't like it if another person saw her cry. her sister did as told and knocked on the door before leaving. hazel opened it and brought the ice-cream in.

she showed it to esra, "ice-cream."

esra shook her head, slowly. hazel pouted, seeing her friend's face. her eyes were puffy and red, her nose was runny.

"ice-cream fixes everything." she dipped the spoon inside the tub and held it in front of her face, "have a bite."

esra reluctantly gave in and ate it off the spoon while hazel cheered, making her smile. 

"see? told you it would fix everything." hazel grinned at her, seeing her smile, "eat it till your tiny brain freezes, it'll help."

"is that what you would do?" she giggled, taking another bite.

"yes. is there a problem?" hazel raised an eyebrow to which esra shook her head, "good. now, lets watch another drama. i have a good one in mind."

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a/n: the songs will only be for specific chapters, so yee. i added that photo way back because jjk broke my heart sm many times that i just needed to put that there.

updates are slow. school is so tiring.