ℜ𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔄𝔦𝔨𝔬

Makoto's past

Trigger warning: Suicid* and self-h*rm.

Makoto POV

Describing or recounting my past is hard... there is no proper way to do it

I may not say many details about it or I may skip some things...but if I do...it's because I really don't want you to know or it seems totally irrelevant...

I have to start saying that my childhood was never something pretty... my mom was sick... a insane person, who seemed to have many screws missing.

She kept yelling and hitting us every time we did something wrong, it didn't matter if it was the smallest thing like answering a question wrong, she still did it... there came a time when the blows were nothing to me anymore, I didn't feel anything...I was so used to them, I guess it was the same for my brother... that was pretty much her way of teaching discipline... A very bad one.

We were about 10 years old when she married a young man of 20 years old...my mom was looking for young boys to be with and this was the most stable one she could be with for a long time until the police caught her due to the physical abuse, because our injuries became noticeable, they took her directly to jail and left us with that young man, who adopted us and considered us his children...his name is Kai Yoisaki.

I never really knew where our biological father was...it seems that he abandoned us as soon as that woman gave birth to us...well, who wouldn't want to abandon a deranged madwoman like her?

Then our second stage began...or rather our next hell...which was middle school. I thought that things would improve and that it could make up for the bad childhood we had... but no... it was the same or worse...

As soon as we entered that school...the bullying started simply because we weren't "attractive" enough and because we were shy...quiet and calm people, the perfect Target for bullies, they started picking on us, stealing our stuff, damaging it and hit us...

During that time I had a girlfriend...but she only used me and told me that I'm just a toy...that no one would love and value a boy as ugly as me...since then I've never enjoyed the love relationships... I created a type of defense mechanism... when things went wrong... I was the one who hurt first and played with their feelings... I began to see women as nothing more than sex toys, I really didn't give a shit about their feelings.

I had a romantic relationship with another girl named Ayane...she was genuinely so sweet...but...i was already twisted and end playing with her feelings. She didn't deserve that...

My heart...had turned completely black. And both my mind and my personality...became totally twisted. Although this is more due to the influence of our adoptive father who taught us how to deal with abuse... telling us to be the first to stomp.

This middle school hell lasted for weeks...until I didn't want to attend that school anymore and tried to kill myself...by hanging myself on a rope that was tied to the ceiling of our room...my brother quickly realized of my intentions and stopped me when I was about to hang myself... the noose was already around my neck...

Masashi yelled at me. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?? MAKOTO PLEASE! DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!..." He yelled and scolded me while holding my shoulders tightly and shaking me... and then proceeded to cry into them. ...it was the first time I saw my brother cry so much..but...his voice...although it was in a very high tone of voice...it felt far away for me...I was still in that trance of wanting to kill myself and end everything... but this time... I have to be discreet... and do it without him noticing.

Masashi was stronger than me... despite suffering the same thing, he remained firm and maintained his ideals of being someone good... instead I... was weaker, more susceptible to damage and already with a twisted mind.

After that it seemed that our school life was going to improve since the bullies mysteriously died in a brutal way... We found out about that from the news, they say that the murderer was a cannibal, since their pathetic corpses were missing limbs and some wounds looked like large bites from a human...

I couldn't help but give a sinister smile when I heard that news, silently admiring and thanking that assassin who was in charge of killing those personified scums.

But... I still felt that enormous emptiness and that tremendous desire to die... I had already lost myself in the abyss...

My mind kept going in circles...and I only thought about dying, and I proceeded to self-harm so I could "feel something"...but I only felt more miserable and pathetic, nothing calmed me down... Obviously, my brother didn't know about this until our dad Kai Yoisaki noticed my cuts and sent me to a psychiatric hospital where I spent a long period of time in rehabilitation... I spent 2 years there.

After those 2 years...I was already starting high school.

One day I was sitting on a park bench full of beautiful flowers and trees all around...while keeping my eyes down...thinking how miserable I am...

Then a beautiful young lady... with pale skin, long pastel blonde hair, beautiful and captivating blue eyes... that looked like a nebula.. she approaches me, she was wearing her sailor school uniform... she seemed totally a doll.

"Are you okay? You seem down.."

That beautiful girl...it was Ayaka Akamatsu...thanks to her, I was able to heal and continue with my life without so much pain...

At first I was suspicious... but with her charming nature it was not hard for me to trust her... she has something that makes me want her so much, without thinking so much I asked her for her number...

Even though Ayaka never reciprocated my feelings, she always remained so cute and gentle with me.

I would like to make her mine... feel that beautiful body of hers... kiss that pretty face...

I remember feeling something similar when I met Ayane…she was also very cute. Unfortunately, that relationship did not last long.

My intentions weren't good with her, but... for some reason I started to love her after that.

Despite being a mentally unstable girl...Ayane was very beautiful and special...

Sometimes I wish I had acted better with her...

Our adoptive father left us with his parents who are now our grandparents while he is busy with business meetings.

So we finally started a peacefully life, except for the part that...My younger twin Masashi started dating my ex-gf Ayane.

I always hated that relationship...not only because Ayane is my ex, it's because clearly Ayane is using him as a remplacement of me since we are twins and Masashi...because of her serious mental illneses, he have a kind of savior complex and is obsessed with the thought of saving her. Not to mention that Masashi is very lustful and probably is using her too.

I wish everything turned different...but sadly it's this way...