A broken kingdom

chapter 15.

TW: Depression, rage, death, long chapter

Technoblade had left a while ago to tell Eret the dress fit and to give me time to myself before tomorrow. 

I slip of the dress letting it fall to the floor in a pile. I hate this, I hate this so much. I'm missing a person who betrayed me, casted me away. Why? Why do I miss her? This is so stupid I shouldn't miss her. I look up see my naked body in front of the mirror. A few scars litter my skin from sparring. I lift my gaze to my shoulder, examining the large burn that covers it, an everyday reminder my mom is gone.

 I want to be gone. 

I can't do this anymore. Hiding. Trying to act okay with not getting the throne, with not getting to go out. 

I am not okay.

I look up to my face, twisted in pain as my eyes fill with warm tears. I stare into my eyes, watch as they dart back and forth over my face. Tears aren't falling but they are building up, my body so tired from just living at this point. I close my eyes and hum a song mom once sang when she still cared. A tear rolls down my cheek, I left out a huff of air and open my eyes. They are glossy and red. I turn to the window in the bathroom and see the sun low in the sky, finally, night is soon. 

I grab my pjs off the bathroom counter and put them on. I then drag my fingers through my hair as I walk to my bed, I just want to sleep. I pull the covers over my body and stare at the ceiling. Thankfully, my eyes start to droop and I sink into my bed, the night overtaking my tired body and weary mind. 

Time skip, 4:00 am

"NO! I said no Alice!" Jack screams at mom who is shaking slightly in the corner of their bedroom.

"But-bu-but..Jack please, I don't want to, we are- we already have y/n." I hear mom say.

"SHE'S NOT ENOUGH!" Jack yells. I back away from the crack of their bedroom door, tears rushing from my eyes. Why was I never enough? Will I ever be enough? How can I be better enough-*knock knock* What?

Oh. It was a dream....well a memory....that can classified as a nightmare.

I sit up, my face feeling red and hot. I put my hand to my cheek and feel warm tears. I must have been crying. 

*knock knock*

Who the fuck is at my door? I throw the covers off my bed and waddle over to the door. I take a deep breath as I turn quickly behind me to see out the window, it looks to be around four in the morning. If Sam is at this door I swear to Notch his life is over. I look back to the door and pull it open and see blonde hair instantly. I look slightly up to their face and see a bashful Tommy. 

"Uhhh.....how can I help you?" I ask.

"I was going to ask you that. I heard a bunch of noises and cries coming from your room so I came to make sure you are okay." He explains as he looks around my room behind me trying to see if there was a monster hiding in the shadows. 

"Oh. Umm I'm fine, sorry, just a nightmare." I say looking anywhere but his face.

He hums and nods while looking down. 

"Do you want to talk about it or something?" He speaks quietly, afraid he might upset me.

"No, no I think I'll be fine." I say trying to think of a way to feel actually fine about this. I sniffle at the thought of today, the thought of having to say goodbye...forever.

"Y/n....I know you aren't okay and I understand, I know when I'm not okay I shut down. I miss my mom too, she's never around and it hurts and I can't imagine what you are feeling. I am so sorry, she loved you, I'm sure she did." Tommy says and I feel the tears start to pour out of my eyes like rain. Tommy pulls me into a hug, squeezing me with all his might.