It was approximately four years ago, the event that marked my life and filled me with the guilt of a lifetime. A tragedy which I would forever keep present in my memory.
I was a teenager back then, a high school girl who was oblivious of what was out there in the real world. A reckless being who only cared for itself and in the process of self enjoyment brought destruction upon the surrounding people. I never thought of the consequences life would bring me, only of the happiness I felt in the moment. Life is now punishing me for all the harm I caused and I, well I have it well deserved.
The guilt and pain began evading my heart with darkness and now I only have a bruised soul trying to escape the claws of what is called karma. I have tried and tried to turn the ripped old page to a fresh new one but the guilt weighs me down to the point where I have given up and left any hopes of freeing myself from this pain.
Now I stand at twenty-two, living in an apartment far away from family and friends. I have isolated myself from life and the people I once called my friends. It truly feels painful but even more than painful it feels like pure death. I feel like I'm stuck inside a bubble flying farther away while everyone on earth remains careless of whether I vanish or end up saving myself from completely being sucked into the darkness.
"I heard you're writing something special." I quickly pull off my headphones and turn to the person speaking.
"Everybody writes special stuff, doc," I say to my first year professor.
"Yeah but I've always liked your essays, Emz." he walks forward, taking a seat beside me.
"You're supposed to call me by my last name doc." He rolls his eyes just like every time.
"I thought you never wanted anyone to call you by your last name," he smirks.
"It doesn't matter anymore, everybody knows."
"Okay then. When are you finishing this?"
"Tonight," I say, thinking about tonight, about the decision I made earlier.
"Well I'm sure it will be something, good luck Emz," he whispers as he sees heads turning at the sound of our voices.
"Thank you! You can leave now!" He raises his hands up in defense and soon is out the door of the public library.
Half an hour later I collect my things and drive home.
I walk into my apartment for the last time, the scent of wood filling my nostrils. I throw my keys on the kitchen table and fill my lungs with air before looking at my all too familiar surroundings. There's not much to look at other than a few decorations near the balcony; the rest of the place is empty looking which now that I think about it, resembles my inner self.
I throw myself on the sofa and begin to think of the good times I've had over my past twenty two years of life. I think and think and only end up remembering a few beautiful moments I used to be happy about. Although those times were good, they have been destroyed by guilt and grieve and end up leaving me depressed instead of happy.
I don't worry much about my depressive state though, it will be over soon.
I get undressed from my annoying skinny jeans and change into my white nightwear. I lay on my bed after I've changed and can't help the tears falling from my eyes.
You're already dead, why are you doing this? I ask myself.
It cant be helped, pain has drowned you deep into a darkness you cant run away from, my heart answers.
I give up trying to convince myself to do otherwise and swallow the pills I held in my hand as quick as possible.
Last one, I hold the pill in my shaky palm before bringing it to my mouth. As I'm about to swallow it I hear a knock on the door. I ignore it and throw the white capsule into my mouth.
This is it, it's only a matter of minutes before all this pain in my chest vanishes forever.
The bell remains chiming and I give up trying to ignore the person at my door. Slowly, I walk out of my room; my body feels as if its about to crash but I keep walking to the door.
"Who.. Who is it?" I hope it's not Daniel.
"It's me, Adam." I don't know anyone with that name.
"I'm sorry.... Are you looking for someone?" I ask almost out of breath.
"Yeah, a girl named Emily Grayson." with the last amount of energy within me, I open the door at the mention of my name.
I look up at the person and cant recognize them due to my blurry vision.
"How...do you know me?" I manage to ask before I lose balance and fall to the floor.
"Hey! Are you okay?!" The boy tries to hold my body but I slip out of his grip.
"How... do you.. know me?" I ask once more.
"Emz, its me Adam! You don't really remember me?" I've only known one Adam in my entire life and I'm certain this can't be him.
"...No." I slowly shake my head or think I did..
"Adam from high school! Your freaking ex boyfriend! Don't you remember?"
My heart beats fast, faster than it ever has. Am I dead already? Am I dreaming?
"yeah...I do Remember you... Adam."
"you're....you're dead. I killed you," I respond before my body collides with the floor and I'm engulfed in a deep darkness.
edited by: Nocturnal1D
