Our Beloved Summer | A TSITP Story

Chapter 26

It was another hot summer day in Cousins. I laid next to Belly by the pool, while mom and Susannah piddled around in the kitchen. The boys were down at the beach 'catching waves'.

Conrad and Jeremiah came back to the house first. I heard them before I saw them. Conrad strode over to me, blocking the sun from my face, and grinned.

"You're back." I smiled.

"I'm back." He peered at my face in his serious Conrad way, leaned in, and kissed me. His lips were cold and salty from the ocean.

Then Steven came up behind the two other boys and said, "We get it, you guys are into each other," but I knew he was joking.

"Don't listen to him, you two are perfect together." Susannah walked out of the kitchen with a big pitcher of tea in her hand, she shined like the sun.

Everything was perfect, but I wasn't in Cousins, Conrad and I weren't together, and Susannah was dead. It was all just a lost fairytale now.

The call came early in the morning. Adam actually called me first, which was strange and cruel. He called me instead of my mom and I had to be the one to tell her. I had to tell her that the funeral for her best friend and lifelong companion would happen in four days. It would happen on a Saturday, Susannah's favorite day of the week.

During that phone call I hadn't spoken a word. At first I was shocked that Adam was calling because we never really spoke at all, but the reason he called truly rendered me speechless. Once he hung up I stared at my wall for another hour. I just went numb. I had just seen Susannah the week before, she didn't look good but she didn't look like her funeral would be the next weekend. I can barely remember what happened when I told mom. Everything is all fuzzy from that week. Everything changed.

I had only been to a few funerals before hers. I knew the routine but I didn't know the grief. Before, I went to funerals out of obligation and felt indifferent about the passing of a human life, but even just driving up the church I felt heavy. I felt like I was pulling my feet behind me as we walked up to the front steps. Adam, Jeremiah and Conrad were standing at the doors, greeting everyone who came to the service. I was the last to hug Adam, and as bent down to my level and hugged, he whispered 'don't be nervous'.

Nervous didn't come anywhere close to describing whatever this feeling was. Everything felt void of color, besides Jeremiah bright blue eyes. Somehow they were even brighter underneath his own tears. He'd hugged my mother, Steven and Belly first, but when he saw me, I could see him break down. He practically fell on top of me as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I'd managed to keep the tears in my eyes as I squeezed him back. I could hear him whimper into my shoulder, and I looked over at Belly. She was biting the inside of her cheek as she watched him. On the way to the funeral Belly told me she knew Jere would find more comfort in me - that he never wanted her to see him weak. But she didn't mind. She wanted him to have someone and asked if I would be that for him today. Of course I agreed. I held onto his shoulders and used my knuckle to wipe the tear that had come underneath his chin. His lip quivered as he took a deep breath. He looked like he was resetting to greet more people. He let go of my hand as someone else came up to greet Adam.

My next step sent my weak heart into shambles. Seeing Conrad standing there with his head down, not looking at me - it made it hard to breathe. I hadn't seen or spoken to him in over a month and the last thing we said to each other wasn't exactly a hopeful conversation. But this wasn't about the two of us, which made it harder. This was about his mother, the woman who supported the two of us both together and separate. She was the glue that held each and every one of us together but that glue was gone. So what do we do now? I had no idea, so I just looked at him through glossy eyes and continued walking into the church.