I was ecstatic to leave my mom's apartment and the weekend behind and go to my dad's and busy myself with school and everything else. I liked my mom, she was funny at times, but without Vince at her place there was so much emptiness and I just couldn't stand it. Going back to my dad's I had never been more excited to hear Sawyer's scream and see the mess she was making in the living room. The apartment was alive with her and Tara there and I wasn't constantly reminded of my brother's move like I was at my mom's. I don't know why I made it seem like he was going to Iraq, but it was a big transition and milestone and Vince had such a big presence it left spaces in the apartment.
Harper was like that too. Her presence was so big, that noticing she wasn't in a room had the same effect as noticing she she was present. This was how I felt at french and at lunch when I was the outsider of her soccer friends conversation. Usually they would include me somehow but they just rattled on about their favorite Taylor Swift's songs and what they would wear to the eras tour. The only reason they really noticed is because well I was black.
I just ate my sandwich and listened in on their conversation as well as the rest of the loud patio.
"I don't know something about august and mirrorball just clicks with my soul," one girl said.
"You're just like Harper she loves august," another girl commented. I believed her name was Sadie or something like that but in my mind I just called her the girl with the 2020 Charlie D'amelio hair. She was right though, Harper loved august, I never listened to the song myself, but everytime it played on Harper's spotify she was transported to another planet out of her pink buggy or her huge bedroom.
The girl whose name might've Abagail spoke up. "You know what else Harper loves." Her and the rest of the table giggled as they held all of my attention.
Charlie D'amelio girl spoke again. "Does she think we don't kno-
She was stopped a girl who looked like she was going to rush in Alabama in a few years. She elbowed the girl they all looked at me.
They quickly changed the subject back to Taylor Swift and the evil Scottie Bruan, but I knew what they were talking about. Harper was gay, I knew she was gay, her dog knew she was gay, but that was about it. When it came to her friends from what she told me she wasn't scared to come out, two of the girls on the team were bisexual anyway, but she wanted to do it the right way at the right time. And my heart burned knowing that was taken away from her.
I got from the table and searched the cafeteria looking for somewhere else to sit. I spotted Sarai and her friends and their table looked way more fun. There was laughter, hair supplies, and makeup products out and no one looked to be talking about anything that had to with Taylor Swift. I made brief eye contact with Sarai before she went back to laughing and talking and actually engaging with the people at her table.
I walked around the patio until I got self conscious of people noticing my loneliness and I instead walked in the direction of the library. I was about to go in but seeing Ziyah sitting on a bench across from the main office I stopped and decided to go over to him. He was someone who was nice to me, and I'm sure he didn't listen to Taylor Swift.
I wasn't good at approaching people so I awardkly stood over him but that only lasted five seconds before I appeared to be the only thing he was looking at. "Hi," he said and I couldn't tell if he was happy or confused or annoyed.
"Hi," I repeated. I stood around before finally deciding to sit next to him. Even sitting next to eachother Ziyah made sure he turned his body to look at me, which in turn made me flustered.
"There's no people on your shirt anymore," he said pointing to my plain light blue crop top.
Taking notice of my belly flab I pulled at the ends of the shirt knowing it was just going to spring back up. "I'm branching away from graphic tees."
