Not Another Cliché Romance

Nothing More

hiiiiii guyssss

im actually doing better now with writing more often so yall should enjoy

sorry for the angst up ahead

anyways, enjoy

the 30th -billie eilish

-

tristans pov:

9:00 a.m.

i tightened my fingers around the steering wheel, my mind racing with regret. i shouldnt have done that...

asher's always been the "golden boy" even though he's had a shitty life. he's gone through so much and still he's done nothing wrong, well mostly nothing, hes never smoked, drank, gone to parties.. hell, i wouldn't be surprised if he'd never even kissed anyone before yesterday.

and here i am.

i've always been the bad kid, thats not even me trying to sound cool or anything, that's just how it's been. i fuck around and do shit i'm not supposed to, and when i try to get better, i just cant.

i dont wanna ruin asher too.

i'm the type of kid that parents would tell you to stay away from, the kind that would rather be out skipping school to have a smoke break than to actually sit in class.

i never really had a "bad" life, i was born into a wealthy family with a nice house and lovely things. but for some reason i can't shake the thought that it's not really a family at all. my parents haven't really been around since i was about 6, always leaving for "business meetings" which is a sick lie that i saw right through from the start. they always leave to get wasted and blow all their savings on casinos and hotels. theyre nice whenever they are around but i just wish they would be around more often.

i dont wanna be like them, yet here i am, making up some lame excuse to go to work where im really just driving, cigarette hanging out my mouth as i try to clear my head.

-

ashers pov:

2:00 p.m.

I wake up with Tristan's arm around me, his free hand running his fingers through my hair.

"You fell asleep in my clothes." He whispered.

I notice this look in his eyes, cloudy with confusion and regret, but also compassion and empathy.

I smile and gently caress his cheek, "Yeah, is that alright?"

He nods and kisses my forehead, causing a pink tint to form on my cheeks.

"Yeah, it's cute"

I breathe in and catch a hint of cigarette smoke.

"Have you been smoking? Are you okay?"

One thing about Tristan is that he only ever smokes when he's stressed or extremely tired, but thats when he does weed, so he must be stressed.

He nods, and I see that look in his eyes again, I frown gently and run my fingers through his hair comfortingly.

"You can tell me what's wrong, I swear I won't judge." I whisper.

I watch as several emotions dance over his features before he finally speaks up.

"I just...I just don't wanna ruin you.. you're too perfect and I'm just gonna fuck it all up."

I frown, "You're not gonna ruin me. I can handle you."

He shakes his head no and sits up, facing away from me. I quickly sit up as well, furrowing my eyebrows.

"You don't understand."

"I think I understand more than anyone."

"No, you don't. You're just a kid." he snaps angrily.

You're just a kid.

My eyes widen and he gets up and leaves the room, leaving me behind. I sit there confused and dazed, wondering what I did wrong.

"is this..my fault?" i whisper to myself as i feel my lip quiver and tears well up in my eyes.

i quickly make my way to the bathroom, my thoughts only revolving one thing as i frantically look around, at last i find what i was looking for.

a razor.

TRIGGER WARNING: YALL SHOULD ALREADY BE ABLE TO TELL WHAT THIS IS GONNA INCLUDE SO SCROLL AWAY NOW IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT.

my vision is cloudy, i cant stop thinking about his words.

you're just a kid.

you're just a kid

YOU'RE JUST A KID

i roll up my sleeves and drag the blade across my skin, biting down on my lip as i watch blood instantly drip out.

IM JUST A KID.

NOTHING MORE.

i was so dumb to think we couldve been something. i was so dumb to think he wanted more than just my body. i was so dumb to think he changed.

i am so dumb still wanting him

i feel tears streaming down my cheeks as i rake the blade across my skin, over and over.

i start feeling lightheaded as my vision goes blurry and i quickly cover it in tissues, crying freely now.

im just a kid.

i try to clean up as much as i can before stumbling to the guest bedroom and collapsing onto the bed.

just a kid.

i faint, his words repeating in my head even as i go unconscious.

just a kid. nothing more.

-

IM SO SORRY😭😭😭😭
it hurt me so much to write this and i dont even wanna publish it.
855 words

with love(even though yall prob dont believe me,)
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