remedium

home

there was water on the floor that night.

the sudden sound of the wind—blowing so harshly and the constant dropping of rain in a rhythm so effortless that it could call anyone to it- woke me to the view of my ceiling.

i shifted, drawing the sheets over me properly, as i sighed, looking at my clock—3:42 am—it read.

storms had always fascinated me. it felt like nature's way of release. the rain, the wind, the thunder, all at nature's bequest, drumming the earth with such power, soaking anyone in its way.

as if on cue, i stilled, holding my breath. it was as if i realised, the only thing i could hear was the sound of the storm and my clock.

but there was supposed to be another. a sound of shallow breathing, missing from the atmosphere.

i looked around, squinting my eyes to focus on something in the darkness. but found nothing.

as though something had flipped in my mind, i jerked my sheets off, and ran.

i ran until i was out of breath, my shirt sticking to me from how drenched i was. my feet splashed water, from where i ran on the cold pavement, looking for any signs.

that's when i saw it.
her.

there she was, hair as crazy as ever, drenched from head to toe, sitting on the ground, shivering.

as i went close, i noticed how she wasn't even dressed to the weather.
i called out to her, my heart breaking as she startled.

she looked at me, and a sob escaped her lips. thunder crashed, and she flinched, her sobs increasing. i ached to go close to her, to comfort her like it was any rainy night. she was always scared of the thunder, of any loud noise.

i inched closer, trying to keep my hand on her shoulder.

"no." she said, her voice shaking.
no, i thought, anything but this.
"please don't come close to me. you know I have to do this."
"no. you don't. you don't have to be so sacrificial every time."
"don't make this harder than it already is." she mumbled as she stood up.

she looked at me, eyes bloodshot, as she gave me a look that said so much— i'm sorry, thank you, i love you— so many unsaid feelings.

she took one breath, and ran towards the ivory gates.

her hair flowing in the wind, her face so determined, hands gracefully moving-
if it wasn't life and death right now, i would've taken a moment to admire her.

but i ran- faster than ever- as i saw her inching closer to the gates that opened to the darkness.

i couldn't use magic to stop her, no. she was already so fragile, so damaged. i did not want to scar her even more.

i didn't even realise the wetness in my eyes until they were stinging.
i still kept running.

i reached out to grab her by her dress, as so to stop her.
but i was always too late.

she had jumped out, now becoming a distant figure.

i heard her scream, so faint, i could've almost not heard it.
but it was enough to shatter my heart.

i screamed so loud- full of anger, frustration, and with a face contorted with so much rage- and followed her out.

pulling my wand out, i yelled the first spell that came to mind.
a bright green light erupted from its tip, and i heard a faint thud.
it felt so wrong, but i would do whatever to save her.

i saw her, eyes wide and lips trembling.
my heart broke again.

she was scared.
not of the thunder, not of the darkness.
but of me.

but i was her home, as she was mine.
she ran to me, pushing the both of us back inside- inside the safe haven.

my back hit the ground with a thud, my arms around her as if someone was going to snatch her from me.

she gripped the back of my shirt so tight, her figure trembling as her chest wracked with sobs.

i held her so tight, never wanting to let go of her again.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." I mumbled into her hair.
she was already so damaged, but yet she saw me, violate nature in the most horrific way; i had killed.

i was her safe spot, where she would be shielded from all the horrors of the world.
yet she saw me in the act of one of them.

she kept screaming- crying louder than ever.
and all i could do was rub her back and lay there- pathetic.

the rain had stopped, the cold stinging my wet skin.

it was almost an hour before she calmed, sobs turning to sniffles, now shivering only from the cold.

her eyes were wetter and redder than ever— i noticed as she lifted her head from my chest—her face flushed.
the sight smashed my heart- as if someone had stepped on the already broken pieces.

i sat up, still holding her.
and what she said next, broke my heart even more- crushed it- but then reconstructed it altogether.

"you scared me."- my worst fear came to life when she said that.

it was strange.

she suddenly pressed her lips to my forehead—the kiss shaky—and mumbled;

"but i realised the moment i ran out of those gates, that no matter how risky it is, the only time i'm sure of my choice is when i'm with you, in your arms. i feel safe. you're my safe place, my home. and if there's one thing i value more than fear- it's my home. it's you."

"i wasn't scared of what you did. i was scared of what would've happened if you hadn't done what you did. i was scared of never being home again."

this is dedicated to acciochocolatefrog and inspired from a particular chapter from her book (the most amazing hp fanfiction) called "her." do check that out!