Heh.
Almost two weeks...
I thought I was doing better...
Recovering from last time...
That time-
12 days ago...
I turned into a monster...
I hurt the ones I love...
And I suppose myself too...
But that's the least important of the other that I have hurt.
Myself has always been at the bottom of the list or not on the list at all...
...
See...
I was gone so long because-
I was "healing".
Slowly putting my shattered pieces back together again...
But-
It fell apart...
Again.
And again.
I feel like I'm becoming isolated again...Like...
Like no one wants to be with me anymore...
I feel so alone...
Sure I've talked to people but-
It's not the same!
Just want to feel physical and emotional affection!
You could say I CRAVE it.
I just want to do what's right!
I hurt so much!
I just want to cry!
I want to tell someone...
It's just-
I'm afraid...
So many times in my life I've felt afraid...
Of people.
Of myself...
Never of death though...
Maybe death of others but not me...
But now I feel more afraid then ever!
I don't feel well...
I feel sick...
I haven't eaten lately...
Nothing to eat here in this pit anyway...
These chains.
These chains are heavier than before...
There are more chain's then before too...
I can't move and all I want to do is cry...
I can't though...
I really want to but something feels like it is holding them back...
I haven't truly slept...
I had forgotten what dreams are...
Or sleep for that matter...
I had another nightmare as you can tell...
Sadly...
However...
This time it was different!
I had my favorite person in the whole world with me!
We were going somewhere...
And then I saw HIM.
I hate him so much.
After all HE had done to me...
However...
In the dream I stood up to HIM!
I actually stood up to HIM!
I had many thoughts
Reflections.
I think I accept my grief...
The final level...
Acceptance...
I realized that if he was able to move on in real life.
Maybe I should too...
So I accepted that.
And now I know he was just a person I met and now is permanently gone.
Vanished.
Eradicated.
...
...
I feel safe and weightless now...
Maybe it's because if finding ways to cope with my trauma and seeking help...
I do have to say-
Mother help me even if we do get into spats...
And you-
You help me very much...
Always there to listen and talk...
And to ask questions...
Then accept answers even if I can't truly answer them!
You are so nice...
Especially to me...
No one is ever this good to me...
Thank you!
Thank you...
Time may be up for us...
Just know that we all can recover...
Take baby steps...
I still have a lot to heal and not all of the wounds will leave scars.
I think that last time did it for me...
I've met my turning point...
I may still feel unwell some days but it can always get better!
YOU ARE READING
What's freedom?
Mystery / ThrillerHow did you end up here? Where are you? It's quite dark here... " you shouldn't be here." A voice calls from the darkness. You can hear chains rattling but you can't see anyone! Where are you?! "HELP IM TRAPPED-" -THUD- WHATS HAPPENING?! WHERE AM...
