I refused the crown prince's proposal because I'm gay!

Chapter 22

Message from this author.

To not confuse anyone, Serena will be used to indicate the Saintess in the second life. Anri is used to refer to her first life.

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"You're not special, Anri."

Serena woke up, startled by the thunderous voice that boomed in her head. Her dark eyes blinked rapidly as they swept across the room. She placed a hand on her chest, fisting the fabric that wrapped loosely around her, drenched in sweat. Nothing had changed, she repeated in her mind. Nothing... everything... everything is the same. Serena plants her face into her palm as the nightmare runs fresh in her mind.

That's right, for the past month, she had been staying in the exact same place, with the exact same routine.

By the request of the two conscious Lefèvre siblings, she had been residing within the Ducal residence as the Saintess. Every afternoon, with a knight as her escort, she would pay a visit to the lady. Claire, without fail, would greet her with a table of necessary items such as first aid and platters of refreshments. Anri can only force an appreciative smile and bow in respect as these items are useless, but she understands that doing something is better than doing nothing. As for Serena the most she could do was pour her holy magic into the bottomless pit that is Blanca's physical state.

By evening the saintess makes the trip to the library with direct permission from Scylla. She would then spend the rest of the daylight there. When it becomes too dark to read she flicks a wave of her magic to the nearest candle, the dim glow carries her well into the night. Only when Rose, sent by Victor informs her of the time, does she retire to her guest chamber. She closes the door slowly behind her and slumps against them to mourn over her uselessness and turns to face her chambers which had been clean whilst she was gone for the day.

She lays in her bed staring up at the blank bed canopy, occasionally she would open her palm and reach deep into her exhausted mana reservoir. Serena digs out the last of her mana and writes with strings of light mana connecting each dot like the ceiling is a murder investigation board. She continues her research into curing the lady.

"Child, there's nothing you can do for her," The voice of the goddess echoed in her mind. Those words were the last time the goddess had spoken to her. "This is something she must journey through alone."

She scowls at the morning sun peeking through her window, invading her privacy. Serena groans as she drags her body out of the bed and towards the mirror. She slumps against the desk grimacing at her appearance and picks up a hairbrush.

Serena mulled over the words of the goddess as each day passed, she stared into the mirror mindlessly straightening the tangles of her hair. It's been nearly four weeks since she last heard from the Goddess Empusa and her magic isn't working for Blanca as the goddess had warned. If it wasn't for her occasional trip to the infirmary to heal the visiting patients, mostly knights injured during sparring, she would've believed she had lost her status as a Saintess.

And on top of that she dreads the thought of sleep. Every so often she would dream of her previous life just as she did last night.

She doesn't dread them because they were just bad memories, any and every memory she had of her lover in that life was good. Of course, some were better than others, some she wished would last a bit longer, and some she preferred to never have happened. But in the end, Serena deemed them all to be good memories.

The Saintess snapped out of her thoughts, she almost cracked a smile at her appearance reflecting in the mirror. She knows two individuals who would not resist to tease her about it. Half her hair is perfectly combed out and the other side still needs to be tamed.