Broken Wings

Self doubt

Athena

Minutes, and hours passed by, but Wade hadn't shown up.

Napabalikwas ako ng marinig ko ang tunog ng alarm ko. It's already five in the morning. It's been a week since I was discharge by the hospital, at ngayon ang araw na kailangan ko bumalik sa trabaho. Napabuga ako ng hangin at pilit itinayo ang sarili.

I walked straight to the shower and let the water ran through my entire body. Memories kept flashing through my mind about the incident yesterday, and as I shook my head everything reminded me about him.

Mabilis kong pinahid ang mag luha ko at pilit kinuskos ng sabon ang buong katawan ko.

How did I end up being like this? Ganito na ba talaga ako kababa? I graduated as 'laude but I ended up destroying other's happiness.

"Wade"

I whispered his name and was hoping for his arrival, and that one day everything will be back to normal.

***

Climbing up the stairs was not new to me, since I am a claustrophobic, I always use the stairs to reach the fifth floor. Maganda na rin ito para makaiwas sa mga tao dito sa office. I've been working here for quite some time and it helped me a lot to support my family.

Hindi ko sila pwedeng biguin.

I paused and tried to compose myself, they shouldn't see me like this. I was about to open the door when someone pulled my hand from the knob.

"Athena, are you okay?"

I plastered a smile, and hid my true feelings to the person in front of me.

"Oo naman, good morning, Charles."

Kita ko sa mukha ni Charles ang pag-aalala at tila may gusto pa siyang itanong sa akin pero tumunog na ang bell at hudyat iyon na kailangan na naming magsimula magtrabaho. We both stepped in the office as professionals and as I looked at everyone their eyes were on me. They're judging me without any due process.

Rinig ko ang mga bulongan nila pero hindi ko dapat intindihin iyon at kailangan ko lang mag-focus sa trabaho ko ngayon. I arranged all the things on my table at dahil ilang araw rin akong nawala ay maalikabok ang ilang parte ng table.

I stood and grabbed some wet tissue and I heard Bettina from behind.

"Siya talaga 'yon sa video."

"Bakit kasi homewrecker?"

"Sayang ganda!"

Yes, they're just words but those words could ruin someone's mentality in just a snap. Hearing those words were like knives that scraping my dignity where in fact they never knew the whole side of story.

Bettina stepped closer to my area. "Hindi ba? Aanhin mo ang flying colors mo kung bobo ka naman sa pag-ibig?"

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at sabay tawa rin ng mga kasama niya at inirapan nila ako bago umalis.

"Aanhin mo naman ang maganda mong katawan kung wala naman laman ang utak mo, Bettina?" saad ko na nagpahinto sa kanya.

Napatingin ang ilan tao sa amin dahil sa sinabi ko kay Bettina, at hindi naman bago iyon dahil kalat na rin sa buong department namin na may relasyon siya sa isa sa mga board members ng company.

Mabilis niyang hinatak ang buhok ko at bumulong sa tenga ko. "Don't act like a saint, Athena. Pareho lang naman tayo 'di ba?"

Sabay tulak sa akin na ikinatama ko sa kanto ng table ko. Agad akong napangiwi sa sakit at nang makita ko ang mineral water sa katabing table ko ay agad ko iyon sinaboy sa mukha ni Bettina.

"Stop! Or I'll suspend both of you."

Seryoso kaming tinignan pareho ni Charles at dahil na rin siya ang team leader naming ay agad niya kaming pinaglayo ni Bettina.

"Get back to work, all of you!" utos niya sa mga empleyadong nakikiusyoso sa amin kanina.

I sighed heavily and tried to compose myself once again. Focus, focus, Athena!

Hours had passed and people were leaving one by one, I did not mind them and just focus myself on work. I was still reading and analyzing all the reports and the daily report of the staff. Then suddenly someone clapped from behind.

"That's enough, Athena." Sabay turo ni Charles sa digital clock.

Nagulat ako dahil hindi ko na rin napansin ang oras na halos mag-alas dose na ng gabi. He shook his head and grabbed his coat to put on my shoulders then, he took my bag and offered his hand.

"Ihahatid na kita."

His eyes were seriously pinned on me. Ngumiti ako sa kanya and shook my head.

"Kaya ko naman umuwi mag-isa." Then I simply got my bag from him and took off his coat. Pilit ko na lang siya nginitian after kong ayusin ang table ko at naglakad palabas ng office.

Wala pa man ako sa kalahati ng nilalakaran ko na hallway ay may humawak na sa palapulsuhan ko. I stepped back quickly and felt electrified by his touch.

"Can we talk?" mababang boses ni Charles.

I sighed and felt hesitant at this moment. "Charles..."

"Please, Athena?"

I stared at him at kita ko ang determinasyon sa mukha niya. "Just fifteen minutes."

***

"Sorry to force you to be here, I knew there's a lot going on in your head right now."

Kasabay noon ang pag-abot niya sa akin ng isang plastic cup na may laman kwek-kwek at fishball. May iilan tao rin naman sa paligid at hindi iyon nagging dahilan para mabahala ako. I stared at the food he gave me at biglang natakam ng maamoy iyon dahil bagong luto ito. It's been a year since I tasted this food at dahil na rin kay Wade na lagi akong pinipigilan kumain nito kaya naman iniwasan ko na rin.

"Hindi ko alam na paborito mo pala ang kwek-kwek." Natatawang sambit niya habang kumakain.

I tapped my chest dahil feeling ko hindi ako makakahinga. Natawa na lang rin ako dahil hindi ko naman expected na mauubos ko ang binigay niyang kwek-kwek na sampung piraso. Hindi ako nagsalita sa halip pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at dinama ang hangin sa paligid.

It's been a long time since I felt this, the freedom of being somewhere.

Tears started to roll down on my cheeks. Alam ko naman ang posisyon ko sa buhay ni Wade pero umaasa pa rin ako na babalik siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya.

"Athena, I understand at napanuod ko ang video." Then he sighed heavily. "Kalat na kalat na ang video na iyon sa company at sorry kung wala akong magawa para mapigilan iyon."

"You don't have to, at isa pa hindi mo naman kasalanan iyon."

Nag-igting ang panga at mga kamay niya at saka tumingin sa akin. "I am your team leader at dapat lang na protektahan ko kayo, ikaw Athena."

Kasabay 'non ang pagpahid niya ng luha sa pisngi ko. I froze and felt electrified by his touch. Hindi ko maintindihan ang pakiramdam ko pero bigla na lang huminto ang paligid habang tinititigan ko si Charles ng malapitan.