Her Royal Highness, Leonor: The Years Later

Philippa's Choice

The moment the words fully registered in my reverie, I kept my breathing still, and just stared at Senior Carriesga, as he continued talking about the promotion.

And the first assignment that comes along with it.

I suddenly disassociated. My mind quickly flew to the years before me, the moments of me refraining from hearing any news regarding Leonor. The years of separation, the times when I averted my eyes from reading anything the morning paper prints out every time I have to start a usual morning, and walking past the newspaper stalls around Seville. 

In that briefest moment, in my mind, I went back to the afternoons spent alone riding the bus, living from day to day and realizing since then that loving someone can do wonders, more so, it can change your whole perspective on seeing life and reality, of living one and trying to keep up with the world's reality so different from yours.

By the time Senior Carriesga was finished, he looked at me expectantly and watched my expression. Normally, he should see someone he just offered the job to smile excitedly, profoundly thrilled by the promotion, nod, and accept it immediately, but it's a different case for me. 

I wasn't thrilled or excited, nor elated or flattered; instead, I felt defeated, worn down. I have my choices, I can live with them. But the truth keeps lurking in my subconscious in the farthest corner of my mind, making the choices unnoticeable.

"So it is a yes, you're in for this promotion?" Senior Carriesga said, filling in my silence.

I pursed my lips unconsciously and his expression changed.

"Vamos, este es un buen crecimiento profesional para ti y.." (TL: "Come on, this is good career growth for you and,") He let out a scoff with a quick shrug. " A better salary." He poked once again at the newspaper on the table. "Puedes ir más allá de la verificación de hechos y la corrección de nuestros libros de texto y no ficciones." (TL: "You can move past the fact checking and the proofreading for our textbooks and non-fictions)
You can write the front page feature one day, Philippa. This can be the start of that."

I inhaled, knowing that he only wanted the better position for me, and I knew most of the people outside the room would also like the same for me. But being on the front page is nowhere near what I wanted. At least, not ever since I met Leonor.

The front page of every newspaper in Spain is what I avoided for the past couple of years, for all the reasons that have kept me from knowing what can hurt me more than how I already am when Leonor and I parted ways. But now it's different. Leonor's back in my life again, and for some binding reason, I know that I can't have this and the Princess at the same time.

Yet I also don't want Carriesga to think I'm not into growth–everyone needs to have a chance at growth.

And now I'm overthinking myself.

"Do you mind if I ask for some time to think about it?" I hear myself saying later. "Probablemente... ¿antes de que termine el turno de hoy?" (TL: "Probably....before today's shift ends?" )

Carriesga's eyes squinted, as if curious as to why I suddenly felt the opposite of what he was offering. "S-sure, of course, that's fine." He reached out for his eyeglasses on the table put them on, and touched a finger to the back of his ear, scratching his head. 

He let out a sigh later on. "Lo siento si tengo que sacar esto a primera hora de la mañana, todo se movía tan rápido." (TL: "I'm sorry if I have to put this out at the earliest of the morning, everything was just moving so fast.")

"No worries, I understand," I whispered.

Later I excused myself and walked back to my table. When I opened up my computer once again, a few of my co-workers who were stationed a few tables away from me cast an expecting look, waiting for me to spill the tea.