oneshots (ongoing)

ᶜˡᵒˢᵘʳᵉ

"tears can get annoying but they're just a part of who we are" - words i heard from my lover once as he comforted me one of many days.

sept 5.

i didn't speak as he lashed out i let him feel his anger and rage that seemed he never got to release. he let it all out on me today and i just took his pain as he never once did for me. i gave him that sort of peace for himself. his words rang so loud but i was use to it. i was use to the anger and treatment he forged on me. one day i did break free from it, picking myself up with the help from a friendly gorgeous hand. but i got stuck again spiraling backwards toward something that wasn't there. i was tied to him. by a piece of paper. but today i shared my truths and that damn piece of paper.

he stood in front of me breaking me down but i didn't let a tear drop in front of him. that he just couldn't have. he wouldn't have in fact. he could assume all he wanted in the moment but i would still be leaving with my head head high until i could break in my own space and comfort.

"you'll never grow, your always so scared aren't you" he picked. i kept my eyes towards his as i spoke the simple response i kept responding with for the past twenty minutes. "okay"

he got up from the counter coming closer "stop fucking saying okay"

i leaned down, moving my shaky hand slowly checking the time on my phone once again. he never physically abused me but he did mentally and emotionally. i had no fight in me to bicker and be spiteful. those days had long been over and gone. that's not something i craved nor wanted so it wouldn't be something i would give out to him now.

"i don't know what you want me to say" i leveled my voice trying not to break.

"your so pitiful" then he laughed as if it was the funniest joke. "look at you, your nothing without me"

"when my new woman shows up you should probably leave" he spoke with a smirk on his face. "i haven't had a good fuck in a while" my heart was breaking inside. the way people change, you'd think you were meeting a whole entire new person.

i look into his face to see what didn't i see or where i went wrong but i'm just understanding you just can't be that person for someone.

after he spewed a few more belittling words my way i could no longer take it. i grabbed my purse and suitcase making my way to the door i didn't look back at him heading out that door. there was nothing more. he would sign the damn papers that most i knew.

there was a driver waiting outside for me that i scheduled after serving him with divorce papers and a few choice words he couldn't seem to bare from his ego being bruised.

"good evening mrs.stafeild" the driver greeted me with a gentle smile.

i cringed at the ex former marriage name. i shook my head, cleared my throat to speak clearly building a bit of confidence in myself. "it's just areya now, areya balthasar." i hold firmly.

"yes ma'am miss balthasar" he gave me a firm head nod then a smile, tiling his hat at me as i returned the best one back i could muster up.

as he drove i was deep in thought going over everything that happened within the last few hours of my day so far. i held my head to the ceiling of the car as i leaned back into the chair trying to keep my emotions at bay. i could feel myself near spiraling but i tried to hang on and not drift just yet.

hearing a beep go off i bring myself from my daze and look to see, it's my stop.

i took in a deep breath putting that forced smile back over my face.

"here we are" he cheerfully speaks.

"thank you, i really appreciate it" i give my thanks after clearing out my throat once again, the heavy feeling making me feel too stuffy.