He looks at every girl, he looks especially at the girls nothing like me. His eyes follow them, flickering back and forth between them. Desiring their body, a body that is nothing like mine. I watch him while he watches them. The anger builds more and more as his eyes linger. I stare him down, intensely. He smiles at me, trying to hide the fact that he looked. He always looks...
I don't reciprocate his smile, I continue with the same glare as though sending a telepathic message through to his brain. He doesn't seem to receive the message though, instead casually looking away before moments later he raises his gaze to them again. The girls who look nothing like me. He's told me that he prefers those girls to my body before. I know what he likes. It isn't me. I'm not appealing to his eyes. To his dick. I always wonder, why did he choose to be with me if it he knew what my body was.
I'm not petite. I'm not slender. I'm curvy, I have rolls of fat. I'm broad shouldered and wide hipped, I'm not what he desires. He wants me to be but I've never been that. I'm trying to be. I've tried and failed already. I'm still trying but the more his eyes glance away from me to another, the more I believe that no matter if I am the slimmest girl in the world...
His eyes will never only see me.
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Doubt & Disloyalty
RomanceThoughts of a woman who doubts her boyfriend's love. Who craves reciprocation of her loyalty and commitment. A woman who's insecurities are created and reaffirmed by the man who's supposed to make her feel like the only woman in the world.
