Sorry I love you | Stray Kids AU Fanfiction

Experience

-Felix? It's Jisung and the famous rapper idol Changbin who apparently you know and didn't bother to tell me! Rude! he shouted as he unlocked the door.

-You're a fan too? Changbin raised an eyebrow.

-Don't get over yourself, Jisung spat back. He must be in his room down the hell on the left. I'll be next door. Good luck! If you break his heart, the blonde gorilla will come and crush your skull, he gave Changbin two thumbs up and exited the apartment.

He pushed open Hyunjin's door and found the latter and Chan in the living room.

-Jisung! What brings you here? Hyunjin went to hug his friend.

-You're full of paint, Jisung stopped him. Minho sent me to check on Felix.

-He could have called me, Chan chimed in.

-Back off, bestie. He can ask his boyfriend to do things for him too.

-Boyfriend, huh? Good to see you're not hiding anymore, he scoffed.

-Anyway... Jisung moved his attention on Hyunjin once again. The painting you made me on my birthday... Can you make a similar one...with me and Minho?

-Awww, Hyunjin got excited. Of course I can! I have to buy new brushes! Wait here! he skipped to the door and jumped down the stairs, leaving Jisung and Chan alone, throwing imaginary knives at each other.

-Listen... Just because you're Minho's boyfriend now doesn't mean I am obliged to grow fond of you. I hate you and that I always will.

-I'm counting on that, brute, Jisung smirked. Thank you for hating me! he bowed.

Changbin pushed slowly the door of Felix's room and found the boy snuggled under the blanket.

At first he didn't know whether he was asleep or not, but he crouched down in front of the side of the bed and saw Felix's eyes staring in shock at him.

-Hi! Changbin smiled. I heard you're sick. I came to keep you company.

-You don't need to, Felix turned in order for his back to face Changbin.

Changbin sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to gather his thoughts.

-How are you even here? the freckled asked.

-Your brother and best friend. And your brother's boyfriend. And a so-called "blonde gorilla"? You really be having a whole fandom to help you, he joked.

-Well, tell them all to stay away from my life.

-I'm not going to do that. Can you tell me what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?

-It's not about you. Please leave me alone! Felix mumbled as he brought his knees to his chest, curling up into a ball.

-Felix, call me crazy, but I don't think you want that, he placed his hand in the gap between Felix's hip and his abdomen, his thumb drawing circles through the blanket.

-I do. Leave!

-No. I get it when someone needs to be alone. But I also think there are times when this is just a way of letting people know you're doing badly. A cry for help. If you wanted to be left alone, you would have thrown a pillow in my head, chase me out of the apartment and quit your job as my choreographer. You would have made it clear that I am not welcomed. Meanwhile I am here, on your bed and you keep answering my questions.

-Please... he cried. I want to he alone.

-Did that ever help you?

-It will pass. In a few days.

-Maybe, but it will come back and it will get harder. Do you want to reach the point of no return? To destroy yourself because you're afraid to burden others with your worries?

-I am being ridiculous, Felix replied. They don't deserve to listen to my dramatic cries.

-Ah, so that's it, Changbin mumbled. Felix, look at me. Do this and I'll leave.

Felix got up and Changbin whipped the tears off his cheeks with the back of his palm.

-You're not dramatic. You're kind and sweet and thoughtful. And you have the right to cry, alright? You have the right to be sad. Because life is shitty. We can't be constantly happy. We all go through pain, Felix. We're just showing it a bit differently. Crying does not make you weaker. It's a normal response to sad things. And if you're still ashamed, I can cover for you. I can say I cried, he chuckled.

Felix's eyes filled with tears as his mouth slightly opened. Yet no words could come out.

He felt overwhelmed and just wanted to cry and cry in the pillow. But the pillow was cold.

He snuggled closer and buried his face in Changbin's chest, letting all the tears to fall as the older wrapped his arms around him.

He couldn't care less that his idol was seeing him like this. He needed the warmth of his body to soothe his soul. He needed the beat of his heart to calm his breathing. He needed him as a shield from the world.

He had lived with the idea of boundaries. He was too clingy and people were pointing that to him. He was afraid once someone let him in, he would take over.

Like a drug, Felix begged Changbin to hold him tighter and tighter and stripped away from the shame. He needed that hug more than anything in the world.

-I'm back! Jisung announced.

-How was it? Where is Changbin? Minho popped out from under the counter.

-He's cuddling with your brother. They are fine, Minho.

-How well does he know him? This can't be right. I better go check, he paced anxiously towards the door before Jisung caught him by the wrist.

-I know you're the big brother and you're scared Felix will get hurt, but it's his life and his heart. He's a smart boy. Let him handle it. Your job is to comfort him, not to deprive him of life experiences.

-Why are you so wise? Minho chuckled.

-Because I'm old, Jisung blurted out.

-I wouldn't say old. I'm the hyung, Minho replied oblivious.

-Right, Jisung smiled. It's going to be alright, hyung, he hugged the older and closed his eyes.

His wrist showed 71 on it. That scared Jisung the most. Any of those days he would have to say goodbye to his beloved Minho. Until then he was letting himself experience love.