My Ugly [SeongJoong]

021

Seonghwa 

"I'm going to do this!" I said, trying to sound sure of myself to hide how fucking terrified I was. I noticed how Hongjoong gave me a worried look but covered it with a supportive smile. 

"Okay. Are you sure?" 

"Nope!" 

He smiled softly. "Fair. Do you still want to go through with it?" 

"Not at all." 

He let out a long sigh, "I'm trying to figure out if we should get going or not." 

"We should." I said, my enthusiastic tone dropping. 

Hwayoung then came home. I knew she was being dropped off by her coach because she had a game yesterday. I wanted to come and see her play but I didn't have any more off days so I had to go to work instead. 

She came in beaming, looking so excited to tell me something but froze when she saw that I was wearing formal wear. 

"Where are you guys going?" She asked. 

"We're going to have dinner with his parents." Hongjoong answered for me. 

I watched her lingering excitement drop. "Oh. Okay. I'll see you later!" She reached for a drink from the fridge and tried to scurry off before I could see her soured mood. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, stopping her before she hid in her room. 

She shook her head, giving me an unconvincing smile. "Nothing, enjoy dinner!" 

"Hwayoung." I said, my voice a little more authoritative. "What?" 

"I thought..." She frowned. "I know it's stupid. I just thought maybe we could eat dinner together. You know...the three of us. I mean, I just...we won the game so I wanted to eat dinner with you guys instead of my team."  

I softened. "Oh." 

She sighed, "Yeah. Don't worry about it. I can find something to eat. You need the closure anyway." 

Did I though? 

That was the thing I couldn't let go. 

Everyone always said you needed closure in order to move on and be truly happy, but I felt like I was being forced to do this. Like it needed to happen or I would never be truly successful. 

But I had no desire to see the people who never gave two shits about me. 

So why should I care about them? 

I stopped a long time ago because of the pain they brought me. 

Because they weren't my family. 

Hwayoung and Hongjoong was. My friends were. These are the people who made me want to wake up in the morning and who gave me the motivation in life to get better. They picked me up off the floor, bleeding and broken and patched me back up even when I was ungrateful. 

They had always been my family. 

And right now, I really wanted to eat with my family. 

I smiled at her, "Do you want to eat in or out?" 

She gave me a confused look. "I guess I can try and find something to eat here..." 

"Okay!" I took my jacket off and tossed it on the back of a stool, moving to the kitchen to start making dinner. 

"Are you not going?" She asked, utterly dumbfounded. Hongjoong also seemed curious about what I was doing. 

"I want to be with family right now." I said, looking at both of them before becoming settled with my answer. "I am." 

Hongjoong relaxed and walked around the counter to hold my waist as he rested his his head against my shoulder. "You sure?" 

I nodded, way more sure than I was when I had to decide on seeing my parents. "I want to be here with people I love, and who I know love me back." 

Hwayoung seemed a little hesitant but her mood lifted. 

This was all I wanted. 

This was all I needed.