Sri, what's the use of questioning him, when he doesn't even remember me, is it to make him remember me or else to question my existence in his life?, whereas I'm living with his memories buried deep inside me. You know, it hurts to realize, the one you are waiting for doesn't even know your existence, it hurts when you realize your waiting, your affection, your memories with him, your love for him, meant nothing to him. Maybe it would have been better if I'm like those fans who goes after their idol, watches them from afar, fantasize about them, even though they doesn't know them, but I'm not like them, i know him, i can meet him, i can talk to him, i have memories with him and he doesn't even remember me....
(I chocked upon my words... she silently hugs me and assures me she is listening as an friend not as an sister of my love)
He doesn't even know me when i spent half of my life in his house, yes, i agree he used live with your uncle in New York since he is 16 but doesn't he know about me before that, doesn't he remember the time we spent together, talking together. You know, i used to feel special, because he is cold to everyone, but sweet to only you and me, he don't even play with anyone even with you, he used study when you play with me, or ask him to play with you, but whenever I'm alone, whenever i ask him to play with me, he never denied right. Even mom and dad used to say Abhay only plays and listens to sara without any complaints, when he doesn't even plays and listens to your nonsense but listens my nonsense attentively
Sri, he promised me he will come back for me and asked to wait for him and here I'm waiting for him for 14 years standing on this promise he made, without loving anyone, not even flings. Sri, you know right, i doesn't even had flings even though i stayed in America for two years, here in two years, i never thought of moving on.... i was in hope may be he will come back for me....
But, But he don't even remember me, do you think he remembers our silly childhood promise. Here, I'm waiting for him, whereas he started dating someone at 18, he even introduced her to everyone proudly, i should have come out of my imagination then but i said to myself maybe its just a fling, he'll definitely come back for me and later they breakup, i felt very happy thinking that i was correct, its just a fling, after that he got no other girlfriend, i thought he is waiting for me, he started to focus on his career in USA, starting a startup at 22, i thought may be he will come back when it's time to get married and he is doing all this for us....
You know, when i was filling up my preferences i selected USA as my first choice and i worked hard to top the institute, to get posted at my first choice, i did all this for him, i thought may be if i go to America, he will visit me and we can try dating secretly, may be live-in but all these are my mere imaginations, he never thought of me after he left, when ever he visited India, he didn't even try to meet me, talk to me, than how can i expect him to reach me when I'm in America, and a while ago in the call when i heard his voice, i thought he cam back for me, maybe this wedding is start for our relation but my fantasies shattered when he said he don't know me. You know i loved him for past 14 years, without talking, without seeing him, i doesn't even know anymore how he looks....., all this for a single promise Srija... a fucking single promise.
Deep down i know from the start, when he started to date, he is serious about her, its not a fling, i know he just want to prove himself to papa not for us when he started a startup, i know he forgot me, our promise, our memories, but i ignored all these and waited for him. But, I'm nothing to him, an unknown, not even childhood friend just a person who is your best friend, your moms Daughter, someone he is indebted to for filling his void in your life, that's it, nothing more.
See, Mom wants to see me as a epitome of bride but a bride becomes epitome when she is happy with the wedding, say, can any bride be happy without her prince charming beside her as a groom, no never, can i love any other person like i loved your brother, maybe i can't, so how can i be mom's happy bride, i can just be her bride not her epitome of bride. I'm exhausted srijia, with everything, my waiting, my imaginations, my love, my feelings, i can't take it anymore.
Srija, do i deserve this, what did i do deserve this?
(I cried hugging her)
Srija hugged me and said..
Babe, you don't deserve this, so please don't blame yourself. I understood, my brother was a jerk to you but somethings can't be changed, love can happen twice, so i wish you will be the happiest bride ever. so, in near future don't hesitate to date anyone, maybe you can find the one for you. Don't loose hope in love and in yourself. why do you need his love, when you have mine.
Babe, why don't you confront him about your promise?, maybe this confrontation can give you a closure to his chapter.
No, Srija, How can i confront him, when its always my own imagination, he never gave me any hope except a single promise that to childhood promise, he may or may not remembers it and he doesn't even know my existence in his life, that means I'm not important to him. So, what's the use, just to hear him say he doesn't remember neither our promise nor me. I can't take it Sri.. at least not now, maybe later, i replied
Babe, one thing you don't have to force yourself for this wedding preparations with Abhay for my sake, i don't want you to be in emotional stress because of me, if you insist on doing you can just message him your views, references, he will look after them himself as he will be reaching here in 5 days, he can handle it, you don't have to be on site
NO Sri, i can do it, i have do it by myself, you can be rest assured i will not take any stress, i will manage it, i have my ways.
Ok. how you two will contact, wait I'll give you his number..
No, i don't need his number, just give me his email id and you can forward my email id to him, just say I'm not comfortable in sharing my number because I'm a diplomat and i will be always available, if he contacts me via mail.
Ok, babe. whatever you says... come lets go and sleep, tomorrow we have so many works...
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Destiny's touch
RomanceA connection that can't be explained. Destiny made them love each other and created rift between them. Will destiny bring them together. She who dreamt of him by her side, he who felt betrayed by her. Shahasra - you live only once, live t...
