I look up the sky and wishing...I seriously wish it could be raining right now, i think there's something so poetic about the rain...I don't know...I just don't know why but rainy weather has this kind of soothing and cozy feels to it... like magical dazzling crystals, the sounds they make when they fall to the ground destroy the anxiety that tries to consume my very existence...
I hear the rain whispering in my ear...wants me to join them....the sound of raindrops makes me feel good, i could easily find calmness when it rains, aaah, the smell of wet soil ...I like to stare at the pavement as the tiny raindrops slowly cover the ground with dampness...I like to take close up photos of raindrops on windows and i am..i am that one girl in the rain without an umbrella or hood up...the drops of rain hitting my head but not minding one bit, don't mind walking through it, so it's no brainer that...there's something so poetic about the rain...I went up to the rooftop and sat looking over the field, the grass, the pond. I sit here getting a flood of memories, happy ones and sad ones...knowing there's about to be a hard rain.. anxiety, depression fear guilt!...all will disappear immediately just positive thoughts, vibrant energy, and boundless enthusiasmthe, flashbacks of the light of all shining days...the sparkle that keeping a wandering star alive...wondering about radiant tears in the night where all the people trying to escape reality....Years went by to just realise there's nothing pure...crashing hopes and lost smiles, fake masks everywhere, fighting with none, but our own heart ...ugh, but the rain is nature's lullaby, soothing my soul and lulling me...i wish i could freeze time, instead of being frozen in it, i wish i could stop the rain from falling, to see the perfect droplets floating in the air above me, instead i stay in the pouring rain, unable to see anything, except for the mist that is slowly engulfing me...My life passes in front of my eyes in a moment. A very sorrow but beautiful feeling, so intense, I don't understand why,
or what to do, I feel empty, and nihilistic.... The question that begs itself is WHY? Why did all of this happen and go, why all of this, why this life, what's the meaning behind it all?...Can you place your hands over your heart and say that all that went during the past were really true? Haven't you had difficulties or hard times during those days? Of course you had... Intense feelings of nostalgia to way back memories, of close people, friends, old loves, parents back when I was a child, relatives, siblings, places, experiences, professors and above all my child self..she used to pick flowers from the side of the road for her mom..she used to chase the seagulls on the beach until they finally flew far away..she used to wait by the oven and watch the cookies bake..she used to carve her initials in the park's trees..she used to try on her dad's hats and shoes just to make her mom laugh..she used to watch cartoons early in the morning and say goodbye to her brother when he went to school..she used to wonder why the moon followed her home in the car..she used to do a lot of things when she was little..she even wanted to be a teenage girl...Now she wished she didn't.Now she wished...she was little again..
