A Promise Made Long Ago

Chapter 26

Lan Zhan was laying on his bed , knees pulled into his as a soft breeze blows through the open window. The night is chilly but he does not care. His heart his hurting so bad and there is no one he can talk to. No one willing to listen. No one to comfort and sooth his bleeding heart. His brother and uncle went to the Celestial Mountain. His father is busy with sect matters and him, he has been forgotten. Nobody understands that he also feel pain and he also hurt. A soft breeze touches his face and a scent blew past his nose. A scent he has not smell in years. The soothing scent of gential flowers on a cold autumns day. " Mother I wish you were here. I miss you so much". He whispers as tears flows down his face. "You would've known what to do and what to say". He felt his bed dipped as if someone just sat on it and then he hears." I am here my son. Mother is here". Turning his head slowly as he lifts it up he saw his mother sitting next to him. "Mother?". He asked distraught. " A-Zhan my baby. Tell your mother what's wrong. Why are you in so much pain my son?". She said as she opened her arms inviting him into her embrace. Lan Zhan move towards her and she embrace him. Holding her son as he cried into her embrace. She let him while she comforts him. Once calmed down she gently pushed his head down and laid it on her lap waiting for him to talk to her. Her hands combing through his hair while she hums the song that she always did when he was little. Giving him the time to gather his thoughts. And then he told her everything from the beginning and until what had transpire. She listen intently as he told her how lonely he feels. How it feels as if everyone is against him. How everyone blames him for what had happened the day in the library. She let him finished not interrupting him once. Once he was done he asked." Mother what should I do? I don't even know if Wei Ying still wants to be with me". She kept combing through his hair with her fingers and said."You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks even months over analyzing a situation. Trying to put the pieces together, justifying, what could've or would've happened. It sounded that your omega did not trust you enough or believe in your judgment and you for not trying hard enough to make him understand. So both of you were in the wrong. A-Zhan you yourself are still just a child. Just because you are a alpha does not mean that you are also human too. And as humans we make mistakes. Trust is very fragile my son. But the real question here is. Did you break the trust between the two of you by allowing these two omegas to bring you gifts. Maybe but to me it sounds as if this whole thing is being taken way to far and out of context. Do you understand". Lan Zhan nods his head. " A-Zhan. Love does not begin and end the way we think it does. Love is a battle. Love is a war. Love is growing together. Love is trust and understanding. Love is forgiveness and to let go. Love is working together as one. Instead of talking it out the one ran away and you my son went back to that place where you hides yourself from everyone. You have once again build that wall afraid to let anyone in". She lifts his head and looks her son in his eyes. "You my son are no coward. You never were but if you need time than take it. If you need to heal than heal. Do first what's best for you. You are also hurting and in pain and if your father, uncle and brother can't see that then they are fools. It's fine to miss your mate. It is fine to long for them. It is fine to want run to them and beg them for their forgiveness and to asked for another chance. But what is not fine is that they are down playing what your are feeling in here". And she points to his heart. So I will leave with these last words my son. No matter what you are facing know this that you are not alone, and you are just walking through it. You don't have to stop and live in the tough times. They are only temporary. Remember I'm always with you in your heart even though you can't see me but I'm there. Don't give up on yourself or your mate. You were meant to be and you will find your way back to each other. Remember this is not permanent. We will be tested in our lives and love and we will fail many times because at the end of the day we are only human. So don't forget that you are human first and a alpha second. Be happy my son. Be who you want to be and not what others expect you to be. Life isn't about pleasing everyone. I love and and miss you so much A-Zhan. My only wish for you is to be happy with the one you love". And with those words she slowly starts to disappear. Lan Zhan looked at the place his mother was sitting as the scent of gential slowly starts to disappear. His eyes red from crying. Her words echoing through his head. "Mother I will make you proud. I promise". He sat in the same place the whole night not moving once. The next morning after going through his usual routine and after having breakfast he sat down in Lotus position closes his eyes took a few deep breaths to center himself. He meditate his usual hours. Once done he stood up and made his way towards the bunny field. This is his safe place, his comfort zone. Just sitting here and watching the bunnies and feeding them. And for the first time since all of this started he felt at peace. He will be his own comfort and his own strength. Soft footsteps behind him made him turns his head and there stood his father. "A-Zhan do you mind if I join you?". He asked and Lan Zhan shakes his head no. Qinghen-Jun walked forward mindful not to startled the bunnies hoping around his son as he lowered himself next him. They sat in silence as Lan Zhan hands him some carrots and they feed the bunnies no one saying a word. "A-Zhan I have failed you as a father. As a protector. I have failed you in every possible way. I have failed you not seeing how much you also have been hurt and are hurting. I failed to see how broken you also are. I have failed to give you my support and love. All of us has failed you. Leaving you out in the cold while our only concern was only Wei Ying while my son was standing on the outside looking in with no one to comfort him. All I can asked now is that I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. That you will be able to trust me again as your father". He said as he looks at his sons side of his face. Lan Zhan turns his head towards his father and looked at him for a long time before he spoke. "I am not perfect neither are everyone else. I'm full of fears, always feeling anxious and don't know most of the time what I want. But all of you judged me. None of you took the time to look deeper. Way down deep inside. And although you may not see it, I have a lot to hide. Maybe if you took the time you would've seen that I was also hurt and still are. Maybe if you did then you would have seen that I am lonely to and also needed your support and love.
No one was willing to listen to me. No one wanted to talk to me. No one took a moment to listen to my worries. None of you cared about me. My feelings did not matter. My pain was discarded as if it is nothing. Maybe one day I will forgive you, uncle and brother but not today. I will be leaving for some months and I don't know when I will be back. This is not me running away father. This is me giving myself the time to heal from what had broken me and I cannot do it here. Not with a family that does not care about me. So father I hope that you will understand that I have to do this for me". He stood up and bowed to his father who can only look at him with shock. Lan Zhan walked back towards the jingshi once he arrived he went inside took a few quakin pouches and filled it with whatever he will be needed. He took his quqin and hanged it on his back and with bichen in hand he took one last look around before he closes the windows and walked out the door and slides it closed behind him. He walked away with determination and conviction. Sometimes we have to walked different paths. Experience different things. Sometimes we have to loose something or someone. But in the end the road will lead us back to the one we love. 'Wei Ying wait for me for I am lost and need to find myself again. You will always be my one and only. No one will ever be able to take your place in my heart and soul. My love for you runs deeper than the ocean. It shines brighter than the sun, moon and stars. It may not seems like it now but it does. And if you should find another I only wishes you the best and all the happiness you deserve. Yours forever. Lan Zhan'. He whispers into the butterfly messenger before he let it fly away. The disciples standing around watches him as he walked down the stairs. Once outside the gates of the Cloud Recess he mounted bichen and flew away.

He stayed away from the big sects and instead help the people who needed it the most. He would sleep on particularly beautiful nights under the stars. He would play on wanji when he misses home and Wei Ying to much. It is many of these nights that he starts to compose a song. A song of longing and lost love. Throughout his travels he slowly starts to heal. He slowly starts to find himself. He became stronger and steadfast in his believes. That the ornament is Humility. The richest wealth is Wisdom. The strongest weapon is Patience. The best security is Faith. The best tonic is Laughter. That life is to short to wake up each morning with regrets.
Months had passed and Lan Zhan was finally ready to return home. Ready to face whatever life has in store for him and any obstacles that may come his way. His mind is stronger. His believe in himself and what he is capable of is unshakable. He had learn to love himself first and foremost. Whatever happens he will dealt with it to the best of his abilities. Life will hit you hard and makes you fall even harder but it is up to you if you will take it laying down or get up and fight it straight on. As he landed outside the gates of the Cloud Recess he looked up at the gate and then to the wall of rules and he realise that even though you need rules in your life it does not mean that you have to follow them blindly. The two disciples at the gate bows and him and he returned the bow before he made his way up the stairs. Once at the top he made his way towards his father's office to inform him that he has returned. He knocked on the door when he arrived and waited for permission to enter, once he got it he slide the door open and walked inside. His father looked up and said." Wanji your back? I am glad that you have returned safely". Lan Zhan bowed and said." Thank you father. Wanji just wanted to inform you that he has returned. If you would excuse me it was a long and tiring trip back I would like to rest for a while". "Of course Wanji. Would you be joining us for supper". His father asked hopeful. " No. Maybe another time. Now if father would excuse me I have to go". Lan Zhan said and his father nods his head, with one last bow he left. He made his way through the courtyard towards his residence. Once he reached it he slides the door opened and walked inside and for the first time in a very long time the jingshi felt like home to him. He put his things away where it should be and made his way towards the bathing area. He filled the bath with water and undress himself before he climbs in and washed away the dirt from his body and out of his hair. Once done he got out and put on clean robes and comb his hair before putting it up in its usual style. Then he made his way over to the low table where wanji was laying and started to play. He chose a song of thanks and gratefulness. His way of saying thank you to his mother.