he'll never be the one (a.i)

"i'd choose you"

• C H A P T E R • N I N E •

"So... Nick," Ashton says as he walks back into his living room. He hands Noa the drink he just made for her before taking a seat beside her. He pats his lap and waits for Noa to extend her criss-crossed legs out onto his lap. She does so, and he drapes his arm over her sweatpant-covered legs. Ashton had been kind enough to lend her a pair for the night.

"Nick," Noa says through a deep sigh. She tries to prepare herself for everything she is likely going to admit to Ashton but feels overwhelmed at the thought of telling him all of the details. "Fucking Nick."

"Mmm," Ashton hums before taking a swig of the beer in his hands. "How long did he last?"

"Barely a full minute most of the time," Noa manages to joke. Ashton lets out a loud laugh that causes Noa to smile; that was the last thing he was expecting.

"That's my girl!" Ashton hollers as he continues to giggle at her quick wit. Noa laughs for a couple of moments before deciding to answer his question.

"Eleven months," Noa answers truthfully which seems to disrupt the playful mood. "He ended things a couple of days before what would have been our one-year," she explains.

"Fuck," Ashton says in surprise. "Fucking Nick."

"Yeah," she says through a scoff. "To make a long story short: we met at a bar. Alice pointed him out to me, and I thought Why not? I figured we'd be a one-night deal, but he charmed the hell out of me and we stayed out talking until nearly two in the morning. I thought it was this fairytale moment that I had spent so long denying the existence of, but then, fast forward a year, and he's been with at least ten other girls while we're together... and tells me he's never, for a second, loved me.

"He told me that he wanted out after the second month but felt too guilty when all I ever did was tell him how much he had changed my perspective on what relationships could be, and how happy I was to have met him. Because that was so awful of me to do. He told me that I shouldn't have been surprised that he cheated on me considering I was a lousy lay and that I never fulfilled his needs. And he basically told me that he stayed with me because he was too sympathetic and didn't want me to realize how unlovable I could be; he said he never loved me because it was too difficult of a job." Noa's eyes become glassy as she speaks. When she finally musters up the courage, she looks at Ashton to see his jaw clenched. "So I spent almost a year loving the biggest piece of shit I have ever known. And I loved him hard. And it just proved my fucking point," she says through a gasp as a sob leaves her lips.

"Noa..." Ashton is at a loss for words as he looks at the girl beside him. He is full of rage at everything she has told him but is far more concerned with being gentle toward her when she's as upset as she is. "All of that is such fucking bullshit," he begins. "Knowing anyone has ever spoken to you like that makes me sick. If I had known any of that, I would have knocked his lights out." Noa looks down as tears begin to fall. "Please tell me you know all of that is bullshit."

"Sure," she tells Ashton with a nod. "But sometimes I second-guess."

"Noa Peters, you are the most lovable person that I have ever known," Ashton says as he suddenly caresses her face in his hands. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, I promise. I'm not trying to confess my love for you romantically, but I love everything about you and I always have. You are amazing." Ashton's words cause Noa's face to screw up tightly; a flood of tears breaks through seconds before Ashton can wrap his arms around her frame. "And you are not a lousy lay. I'd like to chop that motherfucker's dick off for saying such bullshit. I cannot stand a boldface liar. If I was the last man standing and God himself came down from the sky to tell me I could choose one person to revive to fuck for the rest of my life, I'd choose you." Noa let out a loud laugh at Ashton's insane words. "I am serious, Noa. There would be no question. No one, and I mean no one, does what you do to me. Not even my ex-girlfriend stood a chance. She was great, but she wasn't Noa Peters."