Vicious Saints [18+]

011: Crystal clear

|Alysanne Valentine|

Killing someone is less mentally draining than this. I have my share of problems, ones that haunt me and make it impossible to sleep. This, is right along that list. All it takes is one person to throw off your entire system. I had myself all collected and composed, my mind was secure in some ways. Pushing all these intense emotions into the back of my mind but I couldn't disregard this. It's a gigantic mess staring me in the face and every time I close my eyes.

I see it.

I see Azarov's face.

I see the disgust from what I did.

He didn't even wait to give me a fraction of terrible words. Instead, he locked his gaze with mine and left.

What was even going through his mind?

One thing is perfectly clear, he changed his opinion about me.

Azarov thinks less of me and the fact that he is avoiding me only further fuels my deduction. He is a man of respect, discipline and rules. He values all those chines and last night proved that I do not fit his description of perfect. I beg to turn back time, to when we had a mutual interest in poetry and art. A form of escape into our own little world, now it is completely shattered.

Getting out of bed today wasn't easy. It's a clear reminder that my imagination of him not seeing me isn't true and this is my reality. I am completely mortified. Azarov isn't around when I walk into the kitchen. He is gathering his words in a horrid speech of how much I disgust him. Now, it's all about the waiting game. I have heard every venomous word and phrase from different people and none of them even processed into my mind.

But with Azarov. If those words come out of his lips; it will hurt worse than a bullet.

With the lack of sleep, the nightmares that appear constantly and this new addition of stress, I ache for black coffee, the rich and strong flavour that runs through my veins and keeps me alive. Popping a dark roasted capsule into the coffee machine, analysing the dark liquid dispensing into my white mug. Once the machine stopped, I picked up the mug and inhaled the scent of roasted coffee. Blowing slightly to cool the liquid down, I took a sip. That's always my favourite, the way it tastes unfamiliar but nostalgic. Aches in my body disappear and I feel myself slowly awaken.

Those few minutes I had to relish in my hell is silenced with the groans of Varvara and Nadia. They were severely hungover and I think there tolerance has skyrocketed since it took them awhile to get drunk Varvara and Nadia were constantly rubbing there heads as they took Advil to halt the throbbing.

"It's so fucking early." Varvara groaned, plopping down in the chair next to me and dropping her head into her arms folded on the counter.

"Suck it up, princess." Nadia ordered. Popping in latte capsules.

Katya strolled into the kitchen with Knoa prepped on her hip. She wasn't nursing a hangover since she cut herself off after three cocktails. Zion took Zia to school earlier therefore she had a few extra hours of sleep. But my attention is solely on the handsome baby boy who is casually dressed in black Nike shorts and a matching shirt. Knoa's inky curls are falling onto his forehead, making him giggle and scrunch his tiny nose. Those piercing emeralds are precious stones filled with fascination as he claps his hands excitedly at the sight of us.

"Cappuccino, please." Katya smiles at Nadia even though they are in pain.

Once Katya took the empty seat next to me, I opened my arms for Knoa who immediately inched closer towards me, Katya handed him over and he started laughing while kicking his tiny all-stars. Placing him on my lap, I admired how handsome he is. Especially that adorable smile that tugs at my heart and his overly chubby cheeks that make me want to bite them.