Vicious Saints [18+]

019: The gods envy us

|Alysanne Valentine|

Everything is a mess, living under this roof filled with melancholy and distress draining. Azarov hasn't spoken to me since our argument and I wasn't going to apologize first. Therefore we avoided each others paths like the plague. This doesn't mean I am falling into Sinnius' arms to be consoled or because of his declaration.

I know what I want and who I want, conflicting feeling for two guys never crossed my mind because it's always Azarov, he is the one I want. Regardless of what my fantasy conjures, Sinnius laid out valid facts. Azarov searches for the light that can tame his darkness and I can't really see myself as someone who is able to make the agony disappear.

The infuriating part of our lack of conamunication is that Azarov revealed some heavy stuff regarding his past and all I want to do is be in his presence. His history made my heart ache and I could only imagine his heart filled with holes left unfilled. It's quite obvious that it haunts him on levels he will never mention but that's why my heart grows possessive and desperately wants to protect him. It's overwhelming that ever since I met him, there's a voice and instinct that craves to protect him. When the bounty was placed on him I didn't hesitate to take the opportunity to protect him, even when we didn't have a romantic connection. I would do anything to ensure his safety and Cora's, even if it means sacrificing myself and locking away my heart.

There is only one person who understands this sort of suffering; my uncle. Various people assume he doesn' have a remorseful bone in his body and that he's a cold-blooded maniac. They are correct because we share the same darkness but when it comes to matters of the heart, he is an expert.

Picking up the phone, I enter the app specifically designed to encrypt our calls therefore they won't ever locate us. The phone rings three times before he answers.

"Hey, Uncle Ice." My thick voice greets, trying to hold back the tears that desperately want to escape.

"What's wrong Alysanne? Are you okay?"

"I'm not..." I admit softly.

There's a long pause before he speaks, "I'm sorry that you are not in the place you want to be with Azarov."

It's not surprising anymore how he tends to know the finest of details, "Even if we were together, you know the past would send him running."

My uncle takes my past the hardest, its always a difficult pill to swallow. It's the only time you will ever see him physically angry and that's terrifying. His protection is endless and so is his love.

"Azarov is not the type of man that will run away from you because of your past. He won't judge you nor will he see you as someone damaged. Azarov will see you as we all do; strong, beautiful and kind. He sees it already in the way you love his daughter and the way you love him."

I am crying at this point, he always knows how to make everything sound so real, that I could actually have everything.

"But what if he's disgusted by me?" I choke.

"He will never be disgusted by you, what happened will never define you. Do not think that you are unworthy or any less of a woman because of what happened. You have the biggest heart that I have ever seen and you love deeply. Don't let your past hold you back from finding happiness."

"Thank you for always being there for me." I smile, grateful to have him since I was born.

"Never thank me. I will always be here for you, no matter where you are or who you are with. You'll always be my daughter in my eyes."
He doesn't realise that I owe every ounce

He doesn't realise that I owe every ounce of happiness to him.

"Has Sinnius tried anything with you?" He questions sternly.