ALIVE

COMPLETED

Bumper to Bumper

Why does this stupid bike have to be so fucking stupid? Mari cursed as she made her way through what she thought would be an easy forest trail. I've owned this two-wheeled death trap for three stinking days and already it's trying to kill me! Why won't the damn gears change?

She'd been trekking along one of the, supposedly, beginner trails at The Boston Lot and the moment she reached the halfway marker, she immediately regretted going alone. The landscape had changed considerably from smooth sailing to what Mari would now call, The Bowels of Hell. Thoroughly convinced she'd never make it out alive, she made peace with her dim-witted decision and graciously cursed the world for leading her here. Due to her lack of gear shifting knowledge, and the fact she couldn't keep her feet on the peddles, she came to terms with the fact that becoming a meal for the forest life that surrounded her wasn't far from being a very realistic future of hers. All she could do now was find peace in knowing that whatever animal got their hungry mitts on one of her thighs would have their blubber-filled mouths hibernating all winter.

Pumping the breaks every three seconds through her death gripped hands, the terrain increased in difficulty. Did I miss a goddamned turn? This was supposed to be the easy route! The s-turn path was sandy and luge-like and for the most part impossible to handle, and every once in a while the occasional boulder would breach the Earth, causing immediate panic and frantic maneuvering. Having just avoided a potentially life-threatening turn, two bikers whizzed by her as if they were floating in the air. Fuck you two. Unfortunately, in her distracted state, her front tire made fast friends with one of the many protruding bolder obstacles, sending her flinging into the air. As if time had slowed, her body bent in ways only seen in horror movies as she floated through the air. I hope you enjoy my organs Mother-Fuckers! She flipped off the treetops before crashing to the ground like a rag doll.

Plunging down the throat to purgatory, her bike swiftly careening behind her, she tried to remain positive as her spleen and kidneys got pummeled. Slamming against the swell of a sharp turn, she managed to watch in horror as her new, and expensive-as-fuck gift to herself, came catapulting toward her. Isn't that just... underestimated the closeness of it, she covered her head with both arms. Luckily, it missed her face, which had already been gifted a generous coating of soil, but managed to use her right arm as a landing cushion.

"FUCK!" She screamed and kicked the bike off of her in a fit of rage and disappointment. "Fuck nature and fuck exercise!" Her head was throbbing in pain and her body felt like it had been hit by a freight truck. I'm gonna die here. She looked around and figured her only way of rescue would be if more bikers came by. And if things couldn't get any worse, she was hidden just enough that they'd only see her after crashing into her. Can't wait for that. Closing her eyes to try and reduce some of the agony coursing through her brain, she was tormented knowing she'd have to move off the trail. Suffering a senseless death at the feet of some hoity-toity cycling collective wasn't part of her initial plan of becoming more intimate with nature. One would think that being flattened by an over-zealous lycra wearing peddle-stampede, in broad-daylight no less, would be a comical way to go, but Mari was never a fan of jest and therefore knew time was ticking.

Mustering the will to attempt to crawl up the side of the sand wall and on to the raw terrain wasn't as easy as she had hoped. It turns out her right leg was in dire shape and she was convinced it was broken somewhere near her knee. She attempted to roll to her side and use her good leg to push her body upward, however, a rather uncomfortable object seemed to have made it's way between her butt cheeks. Unsure of what it was, she could only assume it to be either a branch, rock, or quite possibly, her shorts having become critically impacted up her ass. Why wouldn't it be that? Of course I'd have the mother of all wedgies right now.