bareness

iii.

fuck pornography

A table for one—
I am a mistress of pornography,
the vein of coldness a cord about me,
Hoseok's eyes a mere candlelight
within the television of my life,
whatever that might be.

Eight fingers—
eight faces of my soul,
eight times more of strength—
interwoven through the tangle
of that cord, a serpent I fear,
the other two for me to hold:

Ring and pinky
I forget to pull
when I am sinking
and I cannot fathom where,
ring and pinky,
so long and perfect for me.

I live in a body that I have outgrown,
observing something so ruinous
with round eyes drooping,
enamored with my own devastation,
my demise, my disintegration.
How pitiful, how irremediable.

Ring and pinky,
I have another hand for you to hold-
you and your hyung always seem to
bring the blush of pinkiness
into the inkiness of my pen,
my pensiveness, my pain.

There is some language here
in this darkness you've long deciphered,
some gold you find precious
and I shall treasure it.
It is myself after all,
and I cannot seem to do a thing about it.

May the wispiness of your hair
tickle it to laughter-little girls deserve
to splutter in merriment, erubescent and refulgent.
I shall be lantern-like,
moving in this birchen language.
Not passing, not on my way somewhere.

I shall stay, taking in the earthiness,
the pines and the scent of rain.
I shall stay and not move an inch,
observe not the television but the candlight,
Hoseok's eyes, the undertones of hope,
his warmth I clothe myself with.

♡