↱AMBIVALENT↲ ⇾woosansang⇽

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"So, in order to connect two or more adjectives in a complete sentence, you have to use "te" form. For "i"-adjectives, you drop the "i" at the end and replace it with "ku-te." For "na"-adjectives, of course you drop the "na" like you usually do and use "de," which is just "te" with the tenten." Wooyoung was explaining thoroughly.

A week has passed since classes resumed, and as expected in the second half of a language course, there was little time for review, diving straight into new material.

San found himself getting lost during Yamada's class, forgetting some of the basic grammar and sentence structure in Japanese.

Wooyoung had no problem offering to help give San a refresher session.

Thus, the two found themselves in the library sitting at a table in a cozy corner of a study room.

As Wooyoung was going over how to construct a sentence using two or more adjectives, San was frowning, staring at the textbook in front of him but not focusing on the words.

Noticing this, Wooyoung stopped his explanation.

"Hey hyung, if you need me to go back and explain something better, just stop me." The redhead told him.

San shook his head. "No, no, I'm following you fine. It's just... you have a class with Yeosang. Has he seemed okay to you?"

Wooyoung was caught off guard.

Oh.

So that was why he was so distracted.

"Yeosang? I mean, I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. He's been cheerful and smiley. Why do you ask?" Wooyoung inquired.

San sighed. "I'm worried about him. He's been behaving a bit strangely. He just went through a break up, and since then, he's been avoiding hanging out with me alone. He's hung out with Hongjoong and Seonghwa, even with you and Yunho. I've tried to catch him on campus, and the few times I had, his smile looked so fake. I think there's something else wrong, too. Something he doesn't want anyone to know."

Wooyoung was shocked for a couple of reasons.

One, that Yeosang and Wendy broke up.

He knew they were steadily growing apart, but it still seemed unreal that they would break up so soon.

Two, that San was noticing details that even Wooyoung hadn't picked up on.

Now that the redhead was thinking about it, Yeosang did seem to be less enthusiastic.

He had no idea Yeosang was going through a break up.

Wooyoung was quiet as he thought about something else from last week.

"San... when you told me you had an emergency last week, was it because of Yeosang?"

San eyed him. "Yeah."

Wooyoung chuckled. "Makes sense. You're a good friend to him, hyung." Then, he snapped his textbook shut. "Well, we're obviously not going to get much done with you so worried. You should go to him. Don't tell Yeosang I told you this, but he told me that he would be in the dance room this evening. Maybe you can get some answers out of him."

San shot Wooyoung a grateful look before quickly packing up his things. "Thank you. I owe you two meals now. Give me the time and the place, and I'll take you."

Wooyoung smiled softly. "Sure, hyung."

When San left, Wooyoung sighed, leaning back in his chair and pushing his hair back.

Wooyoung never considered himself a jealous person, but no one was perfect.

Yeosang was lucky.

He was lucky that he had someone who paid so much attention to his demeanor that he could pick up subtle inconsistencies that were hiding a much larger issue.

Wooyoung wished he had someone like that.

He wished his parents noticed his eating disorder before it got out of hand.

He wished his parents knew about his depression before the doctor had to tell them.

He wished his best friend Mingi could see past the lies he told him about his physical condition and his eating habits.

He wished Mingi figured it out and comforted him, just like San was going to do with Yeosang.

He wished someone noticed his cry for help without him having to directly tell them.

It was an unfair thing to wish for, and he knew that.

People weren't mind readers.

However, Wooyoung just couldn't help but feel angry that he had to suffer in silence.

That he felt like no one cared.

That he felt like he couldn't trust anyone or be vulnerable in front of them.

He was angry that even though he didn't trust the people closest to him, he sought validation from others who didn't matter in order to make himself feel better.

That he had to turn to food for him to cope, but then not eat anything for days on end because he hated the way his body looked.

He hated the way his dance teachers looked at him.

Snap out of it.

I'm not depressed...

I don't have an eating disorder anymore...

I'm fine.

He chanted those words over and over again in his mind as he walked back to his and Yunho's shared dorm.

Yunho was still out, probably with Mingi.

When Wooyoung thought about how easy it was for Mingi to open up to Yunho and Yunho to him a few months ago, he felt himself crumble.

He never allowed anyone to get that close to him, not even his best friend.

The only conversation they had was about their sexual orientation, but Wooyoung's sexual orientation was not the cause of his suffering.

Wooyoung looked at himself in the mirror, not liking who he saw staring back.

The person he saw was the young kid who had a dream to become a dancer, but was crushed and discouraged along the way by bullies and self-hatred.

"I hope you're not considering making dance your profession, because when you go to college and graduate, no studio or company is gonna hire someone chubby like you."

Wooyoung cried until he fell asleep.