Lavender

Chapter 6; • Sangria •

Love, to me has always been a sort of magic trick. A girl catches a boy's attention, theres a sudden burst of hormones, and bam! It's love. As easy as throwing a pack cards in the air and striking the Ace of Hearts with an arrow.

Infatuation on the other hand is an illusion. Blinding, deceitful and dependant. They say you can fall in love easily. It might take years, it might even take an hour of you two talking about absolute nonsense. It might take just a glance for you to completely want to give yourself over to the other person. To merge your soul with theirs, to possess their every breath, thought and action.

Lavender is stood with a boy who's hair is as black as coal, eyes of a viper with their golden flare and a tall frame. She's been laughing alongside him ever since the party started and there's a bottle of jealousy in me, that I can't contain. I'm afraid the cap will burst open and I'll do something rash.

I distract myself by throwing my head back and welcome the burning liquid into my throat. Katelyn hands me the small glass again and i repeat the action. Eight times and Ive already begun to sway on my feet unaware of them moving on their own accord.

I dance along people I don't know with such energy that I'm afraid I'll pass out. My friends all laugh alongside while we perform our little dances and drink from plastic cups. I hear her laugh and turn around, only to make my way up to her.

"Lavender." I breathe out. That's all I ever do, say her name in breaths. It's hard to ever properly talk to her without losing my voice.

"Dom? Are you alright?" She asks, her voice laced with worry. At this point I think the entirety of my existence revolves around self-destruction. I lean forward and just as I'm about to kiss her, I jerk myself back. She likes someone else, and I practically sucked Katelyns face in front of her. I retreat to the stairs, in hopes of finding air to breathe in. The atmosphere of the party is suffocating and the shots of alcohol feel as if they burn my lungs with each inhale.

The door leading to the roof comes into view and I practically barge outside. I hear footsteps but pay no heed because the next thing I do is buckle over and empty the contents of my stomach. My throat burns as the acid and bile exit my mouth leaving a sour aftertaste. Someone pats my back, rubs circles and I cough out more. I wheeze as I stagger backwards and fall to the floor. I'm a mess. A self damaged soul who's falling to pieces.

"Dommy? Are you okay?" Her teal eyes meet mine and I nod stiffly.
"Please stop lying, you're not okay."

I look up at her with sad eyes and run a hand down my face. "I just need water."

She isn't pleased with the answer but nevertheless drags me downstairs to the bathroom. I wash my face, use Eric's mouthwash and drink the bottle of water that Lavender brings. I return to the roof and I lay my head down on the concrete floor. The music is faint now. She places herself next to me and we lay, staring at the sky.

Dark blue melts into a lighter tone where the sky seems to be a vast endless painting. Shades here and there, White of stars dotted in a messy structure.

"Dom?" She whispers.

"Mhm?"

"Why haven't you asked me out yet?" My breathing hitches and I look at her in shock. She realises the impulsivity behind her question and covers her face. "Oh god, I didn't mean it like that. I thought you asked me out for this party but you actually didn't and I thought you fancied me, I was so wrong-"

In between her rambling I leant over and pressed my lips to hers. My eyes widened, as did hers and she turned a shade of pink. Not the bad sort though like the ones girly girls wore to show their love for a boy band, but rather a nice warm pink with a reddish tinge. Why am I thinking about this girls cheeks? I just described the colour of her bloody blush.

She lets out a hearty laugh. "But Katelyn-" She seems unsure on that topic.

"Yeah, about that.." I said trailing on.

"I'm so stupid." She scoffs and begins to pick herself up.

"What do you mean?" I ask alarmingly.

"Guys like you. I should have understood from the moment we met."

"What do you mean guys like me?" I grimace.

"You use girls and then when you've had your fun, poof. Your gone. You thought that just because I was interested, I'd be okay with you shagging everyone and playing the innocent card with me?" I look at her incredulously.

"Lavender, I don't believe in the whole being in love thing, okay?" I tried to explain as lightly as possible. I realise it's the wrong thing to say because she thinks she's a fling.

And yet you want to be with her in a very scarily different way. The voice in my head was really beginning to irritate me.

"Then why mislead someone Dom? You're so-"

"So what? You have a boyfriend yourself and you're here kissing me!" The anger in my voice was clear as was the one in her eyes.

"Boyfriend?! What in the world are you even talking about? And you're the one who kissed me!" It had turned into a full blown screaming match now, thankfully the music downstairs was loud enough to mask our yelling.

"You kissed back! And that black haired douche. And what that woman at Helen's told me." I said conviction in my voice.

"She's insane, she thinks every boy I talk to is my boyfriend. It's how she gets her kicks, you idiot! And that black haired douche?", she emphasises on those three words, "is my partner in World History."

"Oh.."

"Damn right oh! How could you- never mind now. I'll see you whenever, bye." She says softly after calming herself down. I feel like the stupidest person on this planet. Not only did I mess up no, I completely destroyed any chance.

Was it bad that after all this, I was overjoyed by the fact that she didn't have a boyfriend?