still a boy (Nico di angelo x ftm reader)

Short chapter

TW: DYSPHORIA

Y/n POV: 

I wake up before anyone and I look around. Will is laying on his stomach, snoring. And Nico is laying on his side with his mouth open. I look around and see lots of couches and incredible pieces of artwork. I see Nico start to move as he is waking up. I realize I don't have a binder on and I grab my blanket and cover my chest with it while also looking natural. " Morning." Nico groans as he opens one eye. "Hey." I say. "How long have you been up?" He asks me "Not long." I say. He nods. "Will," Nico says nudging Will with his foot. "Dude get up." Nico says again, kicking him this time. No response. "WILLIAM!" Nico shouts. "What?" Will groans. "Get up, I've been calling you." Nico says. "Sorry, long night." Will complains, rubbing his eyes. "You good, Y/n?" Will asks me, "Oh, yeah I'm fine." I say. He nods.  

" You sure you seem......strange, maybe a bit cold?" Nico asks. 

"Yeah, I'm fine" I reply

Nico gives me a weird look, almost a look like he doesn't believe me.  

"Are you sure?" Will asks. 

"Yeah, I'm fine no need to worry. Not at all." I say cheerfully. 

"Okay....."  Nico says. 

WILL'S POV: 

I already know that Y/n isn't okay I can tell something isn't okay. It probably has something to do with what Mr. D said last night

LAST NIGHT: 

"Y/n can be sensitive about his body and about certain things about himself, he used to struggle with self harm and such, He has asked me not to tell specifics about this topic so I'll leave it at that, but if you are worried about him at all tell me, and don't and I mean DON'T speak to ANYONE about this." Mr. D said.

PRESENT TIME: 

"We should get ready for the day, breakfast is soon." Says Nico. 

Y/n nods, "I'm going to go get ready." He says as he stands up and grabs his bag. 

"You brought your bag?" Nico asks

"Yeah, I was planning on staying in the 'big house' last night, it just so happened to storm last night."  He chuckles

Nico nods and Y/n quickly walks over to the restroom to change and get ready for the day. 

"Why didn't he just change out here?" Nico asks. 

I shrug. "I'm not sure, insecurities, trust issues, it could be anything." I say. 

Nico nods and looks back toward the hallway. 

Y/N'S POV: 

Gods, why does dysphoria have to be such a bitch? 

I stare in the mirror and start to see all my flaws, the roundness of my jaw, my nose, my long eyelashes, everything. My body too. my chest, my stomach, my thighs, my hair. Tears come to my eyes as I stare into the reflection that isn't me. (A/n: Jesus fuck I wrote that MONTHS ago but god dam i did not mean to reflect my self into that so heavily) 

Tears fall from my eyes and I sink to the floor and sit with my back against the wall. I try to keep myself from sobbing by covering my mouth with my hand. 

I pull my knees to my chest and cry into my knees. "fucking hell." I sob quietly. 

I hear a knock on the door and then Nico's voice. "Y/n are you okay?" He asks. 

"Y-yeah." I sob. 

"....Y/n. Are you crying?" Nico asks. 

"N-no." I reply. 

There is silence on the other side of the door and then Will's voice. "Y/n? Are you okay? What happened?" He asks. 

"N-nothing, I'm fine." I say back . 

There is whispering between the boys and then Nico's voice. "Okay, we're going to breakfast" 

"K-kay." 

Once the two of them leave I slowly start to change. It takes me time to change into my binder (On put on trans tape, whatever your comfortable using.) I finally look back in the mirror and make sure I look masculine enough. I sigh. 

"Good as it's gonna get." 

I walk out of the bathroom and into the living room. The cleaning harpies have already cleaned up the mess made in there from last night. I set my bag on the couch and walk out of the big house and towards the dinning pavilion. 

A/N: I am so sorry I haven't been updating. it takes a lot of work to write and I've been really busy with school and theater and family stuff. I will try to update more. have a good day/night my Angels!