even more~Tom and Bill Kaulitz

diagnosis

Skipping to when they are in California cuz nothing much happens after that.

Toms POV

We are going to the concert tonight. It's not the biggest but also not the smallest. I'm dizzy lately, so I'm scared I might mess up as I can't really focus like this. My head spinning, my vision randomly going Blurry for a couple seconds, then coming back. What if I do and people will make fun of me? What would Bill think of me? He would hate me. What if he didn't want me in the band anymore? I mean, I would ruin the concert if I did. And becca, she would be so disappointed, annoyed, embarrassed. I just can't do it, im going to embarrass myself. I know it.

Also, I'm so skinny. No matter how much I've eaten these past two, just get hungrier, skinnier, even more exhausted, dizzy, and more tired. I feel like I'm gonna die any moment. And I'm sooooo gross. Every time I look in a mirror, I get repulsed. I'm so bony. Rebecca probably thinks I'm ugly now. I don't wanna be here. Maybe I could leave... forever. I wouldn't feel so grossed out by myself. Rebecca wouldn't have to see me, and I wouldn't embarrass myself. Everything will just be gone. I don't know what's wrong with me.

...

I het up from the hotel bed, after hearing a knock on my door. Seeing myself in the mirror as I walk past.

Dark eyebags make my eyes puffy. Bony face. I disgust myself.

As I turn the nob to open the door, I'm cut short by Bill barging in. "Why have you been so down lately? Are you sleeping? Did something happen? And your eyes are so dark. What's gotten into you, Tom?" Bill interigates as he sits down on my bed, gesturing for me to come sit down.

"Where's all this coming from?" I ask.

"I'm not dumb Tom, I know something wrong tell me. You've been eating 3 times as much as you usually do, but you're getting skinnier. Anytime you finish your food, you run to the bathroom. Are you throwing it up on purpose. Becuase. If you are, I'm going to beat your head in."

He is right. One thing I haven't talked about was the fact I've been doing... that. Not on purpose, tho. I love eating and I have been eating alot and I've noticed, but I just get so hungry becuase I just throw it up into the toilet after eating it, I don't know why but, I think I really need to go to a docter, I shouldn't be doing this.

I burst into tears right after he finished his sentence, I just had to let it out. I sit down beside my best friend and my brother, holding him tightly, letting my tears fall onto his black shirt. I grabbed at his left arm, feeling his pulse. It calms me.

Bill doesn't say anything he just sat there holding me. Rubbing my back and my head. Comforting me.

"I don't do it on purpose it just comes out, and I can't sleep, I'm so exhausted, and I do t know what's wrong with me. I. Scared, I'll meet up, and you'll hate me, and so will every one for messing up the concert, and even Rebecca, she'll think I'm an embarrassment, Bill. I don't know what to do." I sobbed.

Bills POV
Is that really how he thinks I would act? How becca would act? Sometimes, I wish I could know what's going on in his head. Why does he think about things.

"I don't like myself, Bill. I don't want to be here." He admitted. That's when I broke down. I'm taking him to both a physical and emotional doctor when we get back. "We're gonna go see some doctors when we get back home, okay. See what's up with you. Just make sure everything is okay, and if you need to get some medications well, To make this go away. You know I would never think of you that way, never in a million years. And I don't think Rebecca would either." I assured him

He nodded.

People usually think he's tough shit, once you know him how I do, you'll know he just does that as a face, it's not okay, but I can't act like I don't have one too. If we are talking about our parents, I have to act like I'm not curled up in a ball, ripping my eyes out, deep down. I just have to have a straight face, only show the tiniest amount of weakness. Otherwise, it all falls down.